Captain!

Back in college, there was one person who had been associated with a large number of monikers. And this distinguished individual is my friend S's dad. Owing to the fact that he is an inspector he used to be given a new name every day. Referring to him as Ettayya, Telex Pandian, Ulle-Veliye Parthiban, etc. etc., was very common. People used to have great fun at his expense and everyone used to grab money from S claiming that her dad had taken it from them at gunpoint the previous night.

So, back then, whenever we were caught w/o a driving license or crossing the red light, all she had to do was just say, “Inspector G oda ponnu" and we could go away scot-free without having to pay any money. So, she never cared enough to learn certain trivial concepts including the traffic signal, lane system and spending money to buy movie tickets.

S had (and still has) amazing driving skills. But, there was just one assumption she always made and that was, she believed that the road also belonged to Inspector G. So, anyone who drives following the rules is an idiot who never should be in possession of a vehicle in first place. So, when the two of us are going some place in the legendary white Zen, the conversation would be more or less like this,

"Hey I think we missed Odyssey."
"Oh shit, let’s head to Archie’s then"
"No. We are past that right too"
"Ok. Then let’s turn back."

So, without the slightest consideration that we are in the midst of a traffic jam on the ever-busy Sardar Patel road, she would just turn back and take a U turn. So, all the people who had been driving in both directions who block her from her course in spite of 'requesting' them to just stop and let her move were summed up with just one comment, 'How rude!' For some reason unfathomable to me, she always associated the term 'unkind' with them.

Due to the fact that half the college drove the car, it was always in a dreadful state. So, it was not a new thing for the car to stop at all godforsaken places. So, once when it stopped in the middle of TTK road, I was kind of hassled about how we were going to get it out of there. But, S just did not worry. She opened her bag and pulled out a hairbrush and lipstick. Yay! She has additional time for make up.

So, when the traffic was piling up behind us, a couple of men walked up to help the two needy women. They suggested,

'Madam, we will push the car and you try to start'
'Ok'

So, after pushing for nearly half a kilometer, they suddenly realized that S was not making any attempt to start the car, but was still busy with setting her hair in place. So, an irritated voice spoke up,

'Madam, please start the car. We are pushing for quite some distance now.'
'But, I don't know how to start!'

After this incident S found an easier alternative. The moment the car stopped, she would pull out her phone and make a call.

'Daddy, what kind of a lousy car is this. It just stops and does not start again. This is so embarrassing!'
'Ok, I'll send someone to take care of it.'

But what she did not expect was a strong retort from daddy dear.

'Hey, did you not realize that the car was running short of fuel? The petrol tank is empty. That's why it stopped. The fuel indicator was pointing to E'
'Oh, that works? Since the indicator forever points to E, I thought it does not work! Oh, that explains why it keeps stopping at odd places!'

The crowning point in all these situations is that S uttered them without the slightest sense of guilt or embarrassment. She would say these statements in all earnest. In fact you can hardly see S making any jokes or trying to show of that she has an 'amazing sense of humor.' She just naturally has her priorities wrong. She thinks mismatched clothes is embarrassing but does not mind admitting that she was pretty pissed off that her dad could not get the thiruttu VCDs when he raided some place.

But, this lady here has made a huge difference in my life. She was the one who got this unsuspecting poor li'l tam brahm girl hooked to meat. Her entire family is collectively responsible for the death of a whole lot of animals. They religiously follow the policy of 'Parakrathla aeroplaneum medhakrathla kappala thavara vera ellam saapiduvom.' Anything vegetarian is immediately rejected at their place. On festival days when meat was forbidden from being cooked at home, S quickly made plans for lunch or dinner out of home to ensure that her stomach is not deprived of at least chicken. So, every time I dropped in to her place (which was more than twice every week), her mom used to look at me like I am deprived of all the good in this world because I don't get to eat meat at home and would quickly cook just for me. But, I have to give it to both S and her mom – they are absolutely amazing cooks!

Well, S is getting married now. Congrats to her! Let us hope her husband does not let her drive!