Rebel.. Without a Cause..

I have moved on

2010-12-08T11:24:00.004+05:30

I don't identify with this any more. I don't know why. I don't feel at home over here. So, am trying to start afresh. Trying to be more regular. Trying to stick.

Thank you blog for being there for 5 years now :) Quite a few people have liked me here.

You can read more of me here - http://stillrebels.tumblr.com

Why settle when you can travel?

2010-12-02T16:20:00.001+05:30

It scares me to even want to live in one single place. I like my work, I like my friends, I like the family, I like biking and in general I like my life here. But, the very thought that this is akin to ‘settling’ freaks me out. I am still nurturing dreams of being a vagabond - without purpose, without agenda and without a routine.

Is it all right to throw away a perfectly normal happy life to live in the woods and hills and to teach kindergarten kids? Is it okay to imagine the possibility of such a life and live it?

It has been a long time

2010-11-07T11:59:00.000+05:30

But there is something unsettling today...

My life's biggest trouble. Currently.

2010-06-22T14:01:00.005+05:30

Ok I admit. As much as I would love to say I am a voracious reader who reads in all her free time, I am not. I read. I love to read. But, I like my television as well. I am one of those random television watchers that need the TV on for at least an hour in front of her where I watch all the mind numbing sitcoms and sitcom-reruns that Star World plays. But, in my defense I do this for a max of an hour every day.

When I was younger, by that I mean when I was 17 and we decided to introduce cable in the house after the class XII board exams (I was a marks-whore then who aimed at getting into the ‘top engineering college’), I used to cringe every time Ross and Rachael kissed on screen and my parents were sitting on the couch behind me. I tried changing the channel a bunch of times when half naked people were covered in sheets and cozying up with each other. This lasted for a while, but when I realized that I was missing nearly 10 minutes of the 22 minute-running time sitcom, I just decided to continue watching the shows. And my parents really did not care.

So, from then on they got used to all the stupid sitcoms and my mum started recognizing a few characters (and their real names, thanks to Hyderabad Times!), and would provide gossip on their personal lives. So, basically when I moved back home in Jan, life was perfect – I had no career, I did not worry much about money because I learned to live with the basics, I did not have to cook, I had a car for commute, my friends paid for my alcohol needs and I could watch the television in peace because ’Scrubs’ did not clash with ‘Chellamay!’

But then suddenly, Star World decided to introduce sub titles for all its shows. First of all, I hate sub titles. Because you do not see the person’s face and are constantly found staring at the torso because that’s where the sub titles run. But I can deal with that. Some men have an awesome body (esp Ryan Reynolds. Really! ) and I really don’t mind. I realized the biggest peril of the sub titles when one of these days my mum decided to watch 30 Rock with me (Well, I once told her that Tina Fey has amazing comic timing).

So, the dialogues go,

Danny: So we’re getting into it and she takes off her glasses. Real sexy.

Jack: Nice.

Danny: But she never takes off her shoes, which I kinda like. Even though the reason is she’s never let a man see her feet.

Jack: What?

Danny: And she’s kind of a tease. Mostly we just kiss and then she makes me go down to the Deli to get her a sandwich. So we haven’t gone too far. But under that dress I can tell she’s wearing some really weird underwear. I wanna see it.

And I am back to being 17. I cringe! Earlier, I could just ignore these things by conveniently assuming that my parents might not exactly understand all the dialogues. But, now all lines with a generous smattering of sex, boobs, sack and sex are displayed loud and clear on screen.

So, every time my dad sits next to me waiting for an opportunity to grab the remote control in order to switch to any of the 4 million 24 hour news channels, I pray hard that he does not read the sub titles.

Thank you Star World. My life is unsettled now.

So they say 27 is not that bad

2010-06-16T17:49:00.003+05:30

So, I decided to be happy this birthday. After finishing my week long family responsibility business at 11 in the night I emotionally blackmailed 2 friends to get me drunk for the world-famous 12 o clock in the night birthday welcoming thingy. And man did I get drunk! I mixed all kinds of alcohol and consumed them (and cut a cake) amidst rains on a highway and continued drinking until 3 in the morning and revealed loads of secrets in the process (The fact that A’s call did not connect then proved yet again that God exists). The party continued for two more nights and officially ended on Saturday night with a very drunken dance party and a Kingfisher bottle shaped cake.

Also, I realized that it is high time I work towards my one and only consistent passion/ goal/ desire ever since I remember - to write a book. So, I am going to start pimping myself by writing more and more and praying desperately hard that someone notices that I have a fairly decent flair for writing and it can be converted into a hard bound copy. The kinds that would have the old book smell in 15 years' time.

So, since I am in the process of unlearning and learning newer ways of living, I made a list of things I have done so far in life as against the list I make every year which talks of things pending. I am doing the whole glass-half-full thing with this. So, I listed nearly 30-odd things which just made it very boring. So, here are 15 of them

Lived, survived, ate, drank, puked and traveled on my own money for 5 whole years.
Lived in 13 different apartments with more than 25 different roommates. Only one of them threw me out. Yes, it was A
Fell in love. Fell out of love. Still lived to tell the tale
Have held at least 10 different kinds of paid jobs, the first one being when I was as young as 8! (To pimp myself more, here is a list, in no specific order - school teacher, tele-marketeer, cookie man-girl complete with the hat, quantitative skills trainer, content writer, personality skills trainer, qualitative researcher, software engineer, social media manager)
Visited 21 states and 4 union territories in India
Backpacked
Lived on just 200 rupees an entire month. This while I paid my own rent
Crashed a car. Survived it. Managed to handle the situation
Sang on stage
Danced on stage
Talked on stage. A Lot. Won money as well
Failed an exam
Topped the department. In college. Once.
Held a state rank
Won a City Level Elocution contest
Got extremely terribly high and was drooling in puke at Athenas, Leela Palace, Bangalore
Broke an arm and 2 teeth

PS: My sweetest, nicest birthday wish was from one of my MICA friends - "You are the youngest 27 yr old I know of"

Sandy Boi - I heart you :)

From the other blog

2010-04-27T16:14:00.002+05:30

So, for a brief period of time (when I was going through a period of corporate-saturation and a break-up), I started writing on another blog. After reading it recently, I realized that most of the posts are extremely sad. In fact the blog title was something as corny as - Moving on! But, I found a few decent ones all of which are impersonal (All personal posts make me sound like a whiny, desperate, menopausal, single woman. In my defense, this period lasted just for 2 months).

This was the blog, where I introduced T, the philosopher. Basically, it was just T, but she was exalted to a philosopher's position because her drunkenness was more regular at that point in time.

So, am just posting the fairly readable posts again..

Disclaimer: Please to note that posts are dated 2 years back. Which means, now, am happier, T is married and I have watched all 5 seasons of Weeds!

--
I'll be there for you - television!

Ok here goes – The pleasure you gain out of watching the favorite television show online at work while continuously trying to figure out if someone is watching you or walking past you and trying to concentrate on the dialogues of the show along with the sounds of cabin doors opening and approaching footsteps – in which case Ctrl+Tab is imperative – is immeasurable.

Yes, I am a big TV-Show addict. It all started after high school when we got cable at home. Till I was supposedly studying for the board exams, cable was banned at home and as an incentive, once the exams were done, we got cable! Back then, Friends was a rage. Mainly because it had everything our life did not have – sex, booze and money. So, everyone had to watch Friends. Because it was cool. So, started the Friends marathon. Started with Season 4, did not follow history; read the story of Season 3, then suddenly realized some other channel was airing Season 1. And went one full circle and came back to Season 4. So after that there was no stopping. So, right now I can proudly proclaim that I have watched every episode of Friends at least 3 times.

Friends is the window that opens you up to the world of American sitcoms. Then started Seinfeld, Everybody loves Raymond and a million other shows. I watched 2 seasons of How I met your mother, I liked the drama in Brothers and Sisters, I liked the bitching in Desparate housewives, but I was not hooked to any of these. I could never be called a How I met you mother-junkie, like I could be called a Friends-junkie.

But nearly after 5 years, I fell in love again. With Scrubs this time. JD, Elliot, Turk, Carla, Dr. Cox, I just could not get enough of them. So much so that I have started watching the fourth season at work. I do 2 episodes back-to-back every single day. And it has become an addiction.

Now that I have read this, I think I am going to add Weeds to my list too. So, the long weekend is all set – complete first season of Weeds and the fourth season of Scrubs and also try and download Californication and the second season of Brothers and Sisters.

Yes, I am preparing for my TV-fix.

Fair maidens and fairy tales

After watching ‘Enchanted’ last night, I had this sudden thought. Why is it that none of the fairy tales have a male villain or a male character that puts the damsel in distress? Well, we have the evil stepmom in Snow White and Cinderella, Witch in Rapunzel and Hansel and Gretel and the wicked fairy in Sleeping Beauty. Well, I can’t think of any man that masterminds the killing or poisoning.

So, basically it is all black or white. Women are either fair maidens who can cook, clean, sing and dance or evil witches who plot murders and wear exaggerated makeup. And men are either brave, valiant and handsome or some spineless dumbass that follows the witch like a puppy.

Hmmm.. So now we know where Ekta Kapoor gets her ideas.

--

PS: Thanks to everyone who put up with my whiny and confused state at that point in time. Most of which was borne by A!

2010-04-23T13:22:00.006+05:30

So, I had to do my weekly bicycle ride (check this for more details) and I decided to ride the bicycle up to Gachibowli from where the ride starts (I normally take the bike in the car). Since this a first and I make very inaccurate estimates, I reached Gachibowli stadium half an hour earlier.

Huffing and puffing and desperately in need of chai, I just preferred to lie down outside Gachibowli stadium at 5 in the morning with my bike lying next to me. Before you decide that I might have appeared like an alcoholic lying on the pavement (akin an ex who once did that and I had to pick him up from the pavement, but that is a different blog post altogether), let me explain that this is a slightly glorified footpath. Since it the Sports Authority of AP’s building, the concrete was spread across larger areas, lined with grass and lights on the side.

And the best part of the whole thing was that there were stars visible on the sky. So, for half an hour all I did was look up at the stars. It felt awesome.

I don’t ever recall having the time to watch the stars when I was younger. But, as I grew older I have been fascinated. I remember days when T and I used to pack breezers and eggs in our picnic bag and take it up to the water tank and spend hours drinking and looking up. Since both of us were going through similar lost phases in life, we did not talk much and all we would do was try and identify constellations. (We knew only two of them – Ursa Major and Orion!).

At Andamans, Ichi, Bani and I spent 3 hours watching the sunset in silence. We sat comfortably in a dilapidated boat and refused to get out until the sun got down. It was a mutual agreement. We did not have to tell each other.

But there is something serene and satisfying about looking up at the sky. About watching the moon, stars and the clouds. It gives the feeling that I forever try to get in real life. It tells me that I don’t have to run, race or go somewhere. I realize that I am good and happy where I am. Probably I shall go sleep on the terrace tonight.

PS: Here’s a pic to prove that I do “professional” bike rides. I got a super cool helmet as well!

Of hair cuts and moods

2010-04-10T20:08:00.006+05:30

A hair cut is the most soothing experience. Ever. Alcohol is a far second.

Due to South Indian roots, I naturally have a thick mop of hair covering my head. I never had to deal with hair fall, thinning hair line or growth in general. So, every kind of irritation and frustration is taken out with a new hair cut. A break up ensured super short hair just because the ex liked the hair long. Exams called for straightened hair and an argument with the manager brought hair color on (which on hindsight was AWFUL!)

When we were little, all hair cuts happened at the local Saloon (note, not Salon but the Men’s Saloon). A and I were taken there by Appa and were promptly given what was then known as a “boy cut.” Unfortunately as we grew older, boys became more fashionable and the term “boy cut” has lost all significance.

Then we grew slightly older and the saloon did not really house the greatest of all hair dressers, so Mummyji used to accompany A and me to the ‘beauty parlor.’ That’s where we learnt the term U-cut. The U-cut causes your hair to take the shape of U from behind. So all you had to instruct the woman was the advisable length of your hair. The other alternative to the U-cut was the ‘Step cut.’ This made your hair fall at different lengths at different levels. According to the hair dresser lady, this was a dream-come-true for people with a thin hair line. It makes your hair look voluminous. But this called for a plethora of discussions because after a month of the cut, the hair was not of the same length and it would look very haywire. I have heard many a mum and daughter argue about the pros and cons of this cut. But, in my case Mummyji had dismissed the option since my hair had grown thick after the mudi erakkal* which happened when I was 6.

But suddenly there was a plethora of places which started calling themselves Salons. One visit to Bounce and I was convinced that I was born for such royal treatment. Especially after the guy went on and on about how amazingly thick my hair was and other women would die for such a hair line. I was floored. I loved the attention and the compliments. And I was introduced to layers. Which basically meant that the hair was held at random angles and the end result was multiple bunches of eli vaal.* (And a comment from Mummyji which was “Why would you pay money to THIN your hair!”)

There is something about hair cuts and people. Recently a friend told me about how he has been going to the same barber for 17 years. Even in the years that he did not live in the city, he would wait to get back home to get a hair cut. But being the impulsive person with a nomadic living, I do not have such quirks.

But, I love getting a hair cut. The moment something goes wrong in life, my hair takes the brunt. Over the last couple of weeks where I reserved all shreds of maturity and rationality for doctor visits, I have been behaving like an angst-y teenager and my mood swings are unbearable even for me. So, I knew the remedy. Off went chunks of hair and I am already feeling better. Why – Because I was told that my natural hair color is awesome! :D *glee*

mudi erakal - The customary tonsure of the head in exchange for God's good will (Some give and take this!)

eli vaal - A rat's tail

How to get pregnant

2010-03-30T08:56:00.006+05:30

OMG, look at what is on the top search when you type "How" on the Google search box!

Free hugs for all

2010-03-29T09:15:00.001+05:30

My last 5 posts have not seen a single comment :(
Will you comment if I promise to distribute free hugs and a lot of cheer?

I swear, I can spread a lot of cheer!

Greatbong tweets about us (by us, I refer to gang KKs, my bunch of extremely juvenile friends)

2010-03-29T09:06:00.003+05:30

So, the story goes thus – Hoco out of a sudden spurt of love decides to buy me a book and she decides to get me greatbong’s book, May I hebb your attention pliss. Unfortunately, Hoco is the most irresponsible and careless person this world can ever find. So, the book continued to lie in her brand new car which would give rides to all and sundry. And every random person that got into the car would get a free shot from Hoco’s infamous joints. So, MIHYAP was used as a rolling board to roll joints for everyone!

When I realized the extent of social service “my” book was involuntarily subject to, I decided to take the matter into my own hands and kept writing on her FB wall everyday to remind her that she got the book originally for me and not for the purpose that my dissertation was put to (the rolling board function that is). So a sudden brainwave occurred and she informed greatbong of the “other” use of the book. And he decided to tweet about it. So, there goes the story – my 2 minutes of social networking fame! Yay! :)

Because I don't want to say that I'm busy. Ever.

2010-03-25T17:09:00.004+05:30

I realized that I have swamped myself these days. I don't let myself have the time to think, analyze, understand, form opinions and then write. I don't allow myself the time to enjoy the baby outdoors. I want him to laugh as soon as I go *gu* *gu*. I have started to rush to meetings and drive fast. I sometimes even cram in some telephonic conversations while I am driving. The other day I was worried since I could not find my wallet. I wake up from sleep because my phone rings. I realize that there is something wrong with me if this is supposed to act as the period of me undoing myself.

I am fundamentally going wrong all over again. Hence, I decided to make this post. To keep reminding myself of the entire purpose of my break. To remember that I want to be more in touch with life and not to run towards or away from something.

Blogger's block Contd.

2010-03-25T13:55:00.002+05:30

My awesome real life humor and satire is just not getting converted into a blog post!

Hmmm..

2010-03-22T20:29:00.003+05:30

I got a blogger's block.. Pls pray for me!

On second thought's I think it is because of all the late night 3 hour phone conversations.. *giggle* *chuckle* *grin* :P

PS: I love my blog, so even if my posts are of 140 characters, I don't cheat on my blog with Twitter

And sometimes just after sometimes..

2010-03-18T11:21:00.001+05:30

And sometimes the feeling comes crashing down in an instant.. Alas, it does not last..

Sometimes..

2010-03-18T07:25:00.001+05:30

Sometimes there is inexplicable happiness.. Pure unadulterated glee.. Life seems exceptionally perfect.. Impending negative account balance does not seem to kill the joy.. Does it sometimes occur that it might not last long? *tsk* *tsk* pure insecurity!

The pointless activity called clubbing

2010-02-26T17:49:00.001+05:30

So, we went to a club the other day. Not any club, the one club in the city which offered “Ladies Nights” on a Friday Night. For the uninitiated, before you let your imagination fly, ‘Ladies Nights’ refers to that marketing exercise that pubs at Hyderabad have employed to increase the population of women frequenting the club by offering them free alcohol. And the unemployed like me shall take immense pleasure in exploiting them, though I don’t remotely assume I do anything to improve the ‘quality’ on the dance floor, considering that I don’t own any skimpy clothes, I currently have ethical issues against make up, I don’t not encourage any conversation with strangers and I lived in a hostel (leading to me forgetting the concept of being ‘presentably’ dressed).

In a failed branding attempt, this particular club calls Friday Nights, “Barbie Nights” (cue for the laughter track) and I assume a lady is synonymous to Barbie; obviously they have not met me! So, I do not understand the point behind going to a terribly crowded club, shoving people around to hang at the bar, smile multiple times at the obviously uninterested bartender and getting that free drink. And it did not really help that the woman standing next to me did not remotely appreciate the fact that I called her Ma’am and kept screaming into my ear until I took it back. Yes, I really had to take it back.

What can I say about the music! Though I was accompanied by two dancers, we could not do much on the dance floor because all that you can do on house music is ‘the cigarette stub’ dance, which can be further explained as,

“Right foot forward, Toes down, Twist”
“Left foot forward, Toes down, Twist”
Return to Step 1

The funniest location in all clubs is the ladies washroom. There are a common set of women found in every loo

Woman 1 - The drunk puking woman
Woman 2 - The woman trying to handle Woman 1 with one of her hands and holding up the strapless top with the other
Woman 3 - The woman walking up to Woman 1 and 2 and offering them the recipe to the oldest known solution to a hangover – Lemon and Soda with a pinch of salt
Woman 4 - The woman re-applying mascara for nearly 15 minutes
Woman 5 - The woman blowing smoke with pursed lips facing the mirror
Woman 6 - The giggly woman talking on the cell phone (obviously to the boyfriend)
Woman 7 – The one that pretends to be drunk just to rush into the loo breaking the line.

Well, to be very honest, I forced myself to fit this club scene at one point in time. Well, I don’t try that any more. I don’t attempt to appear cool. Does it mean am matured now?

The late night thought (which currently hold tremendous importance)

2010-01-21T00:14:00.002+05:30

Should I continue being 'Rebel, Without a Cause' ?????

I no longer am a rebel.. And I have a cause now..
And am very comfortable in my skin as against the confused person that I was 4 years back (Yes, 2006 is 4 years back!!!)

Should I have a poll to resolve this intense debate? Should I have a poll to decide if I should have a poll?

Back when I was employed...

2010-01-17T23:43:00.007+05:30

Just came across this piece that I wrote sometime back; when I used to spend days endlessly whining about making a large sum of money having to sit in an air-conditioned office blaming unseen clients and visible managers. In simple terms, this was from my ‘corporate’ days.

Don’t know how funny or unfunny it is. In fact I don’t find it too funny now. I think it is exaggerated. I feel tremendous relief, like when I watched Office Space recently. I don’t even think it is complete.

Nobody ever wants to be a software engineer. Even if somebody becomes one, nobody ever wants to stay a software engineer. Anyone who becomes a software engineer does so because he can cross the one most important milestone in the Indian how-to-lead-your-life checklist. It's like this,

Born – Check
Learn to walk – Check
Learn to talk – Check
Go to school – Check
Learn the first swear word – Check
Fail an exam – Check
Start dating – Check
Find out parents are embarrassing – Check
Go to college – Check
Get drunk – Check
Graduate college – Check
Get a job –
Get married – No, no, go back! You can't get married until you get a job!

When God was distributing jobs to people, he asked them, 'So, what skills have you got?'

I can paint
Billboard painter

I lie very well
HR

I can endorse ads
Cricket player

I can look very beautiful
Aishwary Rai

I have a lot of my dad’s money and I can waste it all
Liz Hurley’s husband

Er.. Nothing..
Ok, Software engineer.. next

You learn a lot being a software engineer. You learn to pull out multiple Kimberly Clark hand towels without ripping even one of them, you learn that filter coffee is better than cappuccino from the coffee vending machine, you learn to make friends at the smoking zone, you learn to hang out at the same mall week after week and wonder how it is always crowded, you learn that vertical stripes make you look thinner, you learn about ergonomic chairs, you get to know about Carpel tunnel syndrome and you figure out the concept called weekends.

So, a typical conversation between two software engineers might be like this,

'Hi, how was your day?'

'Don't ask me! You know the network admin told me that facebook and gmail is going to be blocked from today. I really tried to find a proxy, but these guys have become very smart this time! I don't know where that came from. And from now on office supplies are going to be tracked and we need to go through a whole process that will cover an entire day before getting anything from admin. And the housekeeping guys were telling us that from today we are not going to get cream biscuits. It s just going to be marie biscuits from now on. I swear it has been a very lousy day. So, how was yours?'

(a long drawling voice.. cue - imagine Ray Romano!) 'Well, I figured out how to use the photocopy machine.'

'Pretty good eh? So, what plans for the weekend?'

'Well there's this new club that has opened. Wanna check it out?'

'You sure? I mean it s too much effort. And it would be too expensive. Why don't we just get some beer home?'

'Fine.'

Do comment and tell me how it was. I want to know if I have really become a pseudo-intellectual which is generally associated with sociologists and literature grads. If yes, I shall be very proud! It was quite a journey :P

An 8 point someone sez...

2009-12-28T23:48:00.004+05:30

No, I am not a big fan of Five Point Someone. No, I don’t think it was a brilliant piece of literature or for that matter Indian writing. Yes, I enjoyed the book, purely because I came from an engineering college - which made the book identifiable.

And then came the movie adaptation. Everyone has cried foul about how it is very similar to Munnabhai. I don’t have to delve further and reiterate the expressed. What was missing in the entire movie was the biggest component that made the book awesome – the component that you could identify with. The characterization was too caricature-ish to even attempt to feel at home in the role. Everyone was over the top.

The very many stories that get made in 4 years of engineering get made in the hostel. The hostel has an oddball bunch thrown in together. Each one comes from a different place with different backgrounds and different quirks. The only thing common between everyone is the fact that each one had been a top scorer at one point in time or other. He or she was a rank holder in his own right before stepping into the college. And each one had to deal with the fact that ranking 1st in a class of 70 did not really matter because now there is a bunch of 70 all of whom were dying to maintain the rank.

And the most important part of the course is the quintessential smart guy who never has to ‘study’ to become a 10 pointer.

The whole essence of both 5 point someone was about these odd characters thrown together to live through 4 years. This aspect was clearly forgotten while trying to idolize Rancho and preach good education system to the whole world.

I was looking forward to 4 years of engineering on screen for 3 hours. Well, I was disappointed.

Not to say that the movie was bad, I did have a decent bit of fun. In fact I really appreciated Raju’s seventies-style family. Very very funny!

Maybe I should write a book about being a student. First the sweet little teacher’s pet who scored 100 in Math and then turned into confused engineering student who managed an average score in class to an older, wiser and more at peace communications student who did not really know her scores.

PS: Which engineering college hostel student maintains a consistent dressing pattern.? Beyond second year people forget what shirts belongs to whom! Please be original with clothes. That is how an engineering student is identified!

PPS: Title mainly to imply that I managed decent scores in college. So, if anyone wants to offer a job to an unemployed yet smart Post Graduate woman....

Wake up Sid

2009-10-03T13:26:00.001+05:30

Starts very slowly. Moves on very boringly. No connect when Konkana says, I don’t want to sleep with you.’ No reaction evoked even when we hear a ‘heartfelt’ description of Bombay (not Mumbai!).

But then suddenly post interval, everything goes upside down. Though it is extremely predictable, we still like it. We like it when Ranbir manages to pull of ‘But, I made eggs for you ya!’ We like it when Konkana comes back to a messy house and loses it. We like it when they return from work leaning on each others’ shoulders extremely tired. We even learn to accept the clichéd ‘sex bomb’ neighbor Sonia.

And we like all of it because Ranbir Kapoor can really really act. I don’t know if he was just reprising his daily routine or if he was really acting, but this guy can shoulder an entire scene effortlessly and grow so much beyond it. He can hold his stand with a beautiful and seasoned actor like Konkana. You can’t help it but like how spoilt a Sid he can be.

PS: Bani says that Sid does not have a Mario tee but she does.

Where I act like a communications student

2009-09-30T01:55:00.004+05:30

I don't understand the Indian fan following for a precocious 5 year old who abuses and calls his parents by their first name.. Really I don't understand the obsession for Shin-chan

I have not watched a single episode but I am subject to a lot of famous (infamous?) hindi-dubbed dialogues of Shin-Chan from people I know.

Wiki says a lot of the Japanese phrases cannot be exactly translated into other languages, so it might not be as funny. But, I am put off by the basic premise of the show.

Probably I should watch a bit of it before I pass my judgments. Or probably research more on the manga series.

Hmm.. More for later..

Google Search

2009-09-16T16:19:00.002+05:30

There are still people in the US who search for 'vethalai pakku navratri' on Google.. Well, I know there is one person - since he/ she (though I have a strong hunch it is a she) landed on my blog with that search phrase..

So, am assuming there is more than one.. No?

Continuing..

2009-09-06T19:03:00.002+05:30

Continuing in the same pulse (from the previous post i.e.), I have some deep thoughts and concerns.

For starters, I have an Orkut, Facebook, Twitter and a Blogger account. On top of all this, my dissertation is in the field of Social Media.

So, there are certain questions clouding my mind – Since I pretty much have the same people as “friends”, “fans” and “followers”, do I necessarily have to put up different pieces of information in all of the different networks? Can I use the same facebook and twitter status message? Can I upload the same pictures on both my orkut and facebook album? Can I put up the same link on both my blog post and on twitter?

Can I copy my facebook status message into gtalk?
What are the rules of online coolness nowadays? Earlier I just had to email a bunch of calvin or dilbert strips and I was recognized and remembered. I remember the initial days of Infosys where I was impressed that I could dynamically change my signature to include different quotes for every email. A quick google and I had the funniest statements made by Dave Barry, Sienfeld and Winnie (the pooh!). So, an obvious lack of smart remarks in the body copy of the mail could be replaced by these.

Then I discovered High Heel Confidential which was my gtalk status for a whole week! I did get a lot of response and I take immense pride in letting the world know that I personally got around 50 people hooked to the site (Priyanka and Payal from HHC, please note!).

But, now I believe that I am losing my “coolness” in the virtual world. I am confused with the rules! Is it etiquette to follow the people that follow me? Can I ignore my college senior’s girlfriend’s current roommate on facebook? Do I have to regularly make smart remarks on twitter or can I sometimes say that I am pure bored?

Now, am off. I have to go link this post on twitter and gtalk.

I used to be cool on this blog..

2009-09-06T15:27:00.003+05:30

So, previously whenever I read anything super funny somewhere online, I used to provide a link on this very blog and my post count increased by 1. And I believed I was cool, because I did not require content, I just needed a link for blog hits.

But, now Twitter has arrived. I am forced to be cool there. So, anything funny I read online, I put it up as a Twitter update. Now the blog is kind of ignored.

I don't know what to do. Hmmmm..

Anyways, Follow me on Twitter.

Quick post where I raise important issue and feel important!

2009-08-29T12:56:00.003+05:30

So, I was watching Friends for 465th time last night. It was an episode in Season 7 with Winona Ryder as a guest star.

So, what happens in this episode is that Rachel kisses Mellisa (played by Winona Ryder). But, the particular bit where the kiss happens, was cut. I don’t know why a woman kissing a woman cannot be shown on Indian television but a man kissing a woman can be shown.

Kinda sexist. No?

Update: I don't know why I called it sexist, it is homophobic.. Sowwiee..

Kabootar Ja Ja Ja

2009-08-18T03:36:00.002+05:30

It’s amazing how the smallest of all things bring back childhood memories. Sitting at a friend’s place in a room overlooking a balcony I can see a bunch of pigeons – yes this time pigeons brought back memories.

The very significant memory I have of pigeons is of our place at the very insignificantly named Raja Apartments. This was a very ill-ventilated apartment that all of us hated due to extremely irritating stereotypical tam-brahm (no offence!) neighbors and close proximity to a certain relative; Appa was not too fond of the physical closeness and consequently influenced us as well. But, since Mummyji put her foot down saying that she was not going to pack another box for at least 2 more years, we had to make peace with our existence there.

The particular apartment had a balcony with a loft or roof space to stock things. And since Mummyji is just too fond of saving boxes and since we were forever moving, all the cartons went neatly folded up in there. What we did not realize was that we were making a nice and cozy house for pigeons who visited the place often. So, then began our fight with them.

Since I am city-bred without any pets, I have never been too comfortable with animals around. A and Appa are pretty much the same. But, Mummyji, the village belle, like she once described herself is completely at ease with all of them. Be it an insect she had to drive away or a puppy she had to pet, she knew what she was doing. So, the moment I heard the brrr of the pigeon I would let out a scream and Mummyji would have to drive them away to let me peacefully enter the balcony.

But since Mummyji was not to be at my beck and call, I had to get used to them living in our balcony. I slowly learnt to drive them away myself. I learnt to let them be and continue with my phone call. I learnt not to be irritated with the constant noise they made. I learnt to just watch them when I was bored.

We also reached a stage where we once let one of them lay eggs and waited for the new ones to fly away. But no one could stand the stench and quickly after the newborns left, we had to resort to our older practice of beating the wooden stick against the wall to scare the pigeons away.

The first time I reached my hostel at Ahmedabad, I did not notice the pigeons. I was too busy fighting tears and did not let myself believe that fact that I had to share a room with TWO OTHER PEOPLE in it! Later I saw them all around the place. They don’t make much of a difference now. I learnt not to be scared of them in Raja Apartments!

When I committed the grave sin of falling sick AT HOME!

2009-08-17T18:01:00.007+05:30

Swine flu has taken a toll of 300 people across the world. Regular flu kills thousands of people every year. The media is spreading panic by playing the same news over and over again. They have moved to a whole new level by hiring an in house doctor who consults over phone!

For many years I have noticed that with this kind of logic, I can get people thinking. I can try and present a case demanding an objective analysis of information. But, unfortunately none of this works with my mum.

The moment I made the mistake of declaring to her that I measure slightly high temperature, my worst time began!. Where I stay otherwise this fact would die down among a myriad of clichéd ‘hot body’ jokes; which may I add I started appreciating after seeing my mum's reaction.

I was quickly put under a diet consisting of soup and rasam*. After every half an hour I could see different hands feeling my forehead to manually check for temperature. Sometimes Mummyji would take it to a whole new level by checking for the temperature using both arms – in case one of them dared cheat her! After every two hours a thermometer was forced down my mouth along with the instructions I have been hearing for the past 26 years, ‘don’t chew on it!’

The fact that I wanted to get out of home or wanted to have a shower was met with reactions which reaffirmed my belief that according to Mummyji such rituals were blasphemous in case someone is declared not well by her in the past one week. So basically I was dirty, stinky and profusely sweating (which means I measure regular temperature) and still on a diet of the god-awful rasam saadham*!

Introduction to a doctor-friend just to prove my point about Swine Flu were useless, since she quickly changed the topic and started questioning him if burnt food causes stomach cancer and the like.

Finally I decided I shall take the easy way out – stay at home and be the geek! So, here I am 24*7 in front of my computer, but thankfully now I have been given full permission to get out whenever and wherever, but NO OUTSIDE FOOD!

rasam: The very boring South Indian gravy which can be made with a variety of ingredients including tomato (huh!) and ginger

rasam sadham: Since no South Indian food is complete without rice, this is rasam mixed with rice.

Kaminey

2009-08-16T12:51:00.005+05:30

So, there are Bollywood movies. Then there are Bollywood masala movies. And then there is a pure masala pot-boiler which uses every single Bollywood cliche like estranged twins, pre-marital pregnancy, suicide, gangsters, drugs and police, but does it so beautifully that you would not call it Bollywood enough - this my dear people is Kaminey!

The movie is about puns, it is about over-the-top caricatures, it is about paying homage to great movies and it is just about Bollywood (Dhan Tan Dhan!). After a long time, I watched a movie which would not let me shift glance. Like in the movie, I could have worn reins and still not realised it because it was 2 and half hours of absolute concentration!

A very 'Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels'-isque feeling at the end of it.

Go. Watch. Kaminey.

Random Conversation Again

2009-08-16T12:40:00.004+05:30

A friend says in a drunken moment of sarcasm and intelligence
"Am sure Sanjeevani was all about lighting a cigerette"

Love Aaj Kal (or) How I lost Rs. 150/- because of poor judgement

2009-08-01T22:18:00.006+05:30

Ek ke sath ek free.. You get two love stories in one movie, one of which sucks so bad you shout in middle of the movie asking Deepika to jump off the cliff (or something like it) she is standing at, prompting the aunty in the front seat to glare at you.

The second one is very bearable if you are one of those people who love mushy romances where girl falls in love with boy just because he takes the effort to pursue her (though he is the ‘wannabe cool’ street side rogue that our mums warned us against).

Saif looks OLD! And he has a paunch which the poor ‘boy’ cannot hide since the designer forced him into tight T shirts in a vain attempt to make him look young. Deepika cannot act to save her life. And as Oddity (let’s just call her that for now) says Rahul Khanna plays the dumbass (pardon my language) who proposes to a woman who is continuously SMSing someone else when she is on a date with him.

Again as Oddity says, I hate the fact that I let the movie generate revenue.

Adding post script after some thought:
The movie could have been made much better, if only there were actors who could portray present day relationships better. Like a Pyar Ke Side Effects and Luck By Chance was very easily casual and realistic. Love Aaj Kal just tries too hard to be the same.

Leaving and Moving

2009-07-31T23:50:00.003+05:30

Leaving is so depressing!

I have always been depressed every time I have had to leave from a place. It all started in movie theaters as a kid. Every time a movie got done, I used to be sad (back then I did not know that ‘depressed’ could be used so frivolously). It was because the end of 3 hours signified the end of ‘fun’ and return to run-of-the-mill life.

Every single place I have left, I have been depressed. This does not just mean leaving forever, it is leaving temporarily as well. Leaving from Hyderabad for a weekend, leaving from Andamans after a vacation, leaving from Bangalore after an internship, leaving from home after a holiday, leaving from hostel for a term break – all these times, I have been terribly sad!

When I have had to permanently move out, I have cried. I cried when college got done, I cried when I had to leave Bangalore, I cried when T moved out and I cried when I left Hyderabad. And not to forget the running joke in my family – I cry every single time A leaves for US (though she comes home half as frequently as I go home, which let me just say is a LOT!).

But, on a serious note, leaving is always a very depressing feeling. It indicates the end to a certain kind of joy and pleasure. When I left Bangalore, I left behind the entire ‘first job’ feeling. When I leave the hostel, I leave behind the ‘55-people living together ‘ fun. When I left Hyderabad, it meant an end to the 5 digit monthly income and ‘your place or mine?’ adult life. WhenA goes to the US, I just miss a sister being around and every time I leave home, I just miss ‘home.’

Now, when I see everyone leaving for 3 weeks, the feeling creeps in. I don’t like to see people going away. Why don’t we ever live at the same place? Why do we have to leave people and places behind? What are we looking for?

PS: I am not going to understand this feeling in two days, because I shall be in Himachal by then for a vacation! Ye, ye – I brag! :D

I don't know what title to give this one

2009-07-28T14:22:00.002+05:30

I just noticed that the icons for Windows Media Player and Google Chrome use the same colors. This realization happened by mistake when I wanted to start Chrome but Media Player opened up..

So, then I realized that MSN and Google have nearly the same color combination - same shades of green, blue, yellow and red. Kind of weird no? Well, I thought so.

Esp since such confusions can happen - like what happened with me!

Random

2009-07-17T02:13:00.001+05:30

Why is it that we are always attracted to the innocent? Why do we tend to protect fully grown up people when we know they can’t take care of themselves?

Why don’t we just condemn it saying that he or she should just learn to grow up? Why do we say ‘She’s just a kid!’

Is it true that, ‘We are always on a quest for something we don’t have?’

So, yeah I am alive

2008-09-13T20:25:00.002+05:30

Wrote this in the middle of what I thought was a redundant course

You know how some classes suck. How you sit chewing gum thinking about the chocolate mousse you want to eat that very moment. How you know that your knowledge is way more than the one teaching in class.

You pass chits to your neighbors, SMS PJs to friends, and get into uncontrollable fits of laughter.

And did I say how much I missed all this. For three years I had no restrictions, just deadlines; no ‘lunch time’, just coffee breaks; no professors, just managers; no ‘sir’/ ‘ma’am’ – we are on a first name basis; no 11 o clock time limits, just 12 o clock pub timings.

Am I glad am back to classroom! I love the backbench comments, the backseat reactions, the 15-minutes breaks where we run down for coffee and sandwiches, hunt for daru in dry state, the hostel whining, the gossip, the overnighters, the shady hookah bars, the ‘gangs’, the ‘couples’, the ‘roomies’, the assignments – boy oh boy, I feel like I am 18 again. Did I just realize that I made the right decision.. Or did I just realize I am still a nerd at heart!

This is what one calls life

2008-07-22T11:58:00.000+05:30

Go to the parlor. Check
Use high speed Internet to watch movies on youtube and episodes of Scrubs. Check
Use office phone to get back in touch wit long lost crush. Check
Drink endless cups of chai with ‘the gang of girls.’ Check
Call up home multiple times to give updates about the day. Check
Get out of work by 1 pm and watch a movie. Check
Eat pasta at Little Italy. Check
Go for aerobics class. Check
Desultorily look for non-corporate jobs. Check
Learn Salsa. Check

Conclusion: Life is pure bliss when one serves notice period!

:(

2008-07-14T16:18:00.001+05:30

So is this not called a frownie? What is it with everyone calling it a sad smiley? Oxymoroish no? Actually more like complete contradiction!

Anyways, the other day I had set this as my status message on gtalk. Ask me why. Well initially because I was pissed and depressed about something, but later just to see how many people on my list actually cared (:P Well, am human!). Well, I was happy that quite a few people asked me why I had a ‘sad smiley’ as the status message. But, was so surprised that everyone referred to it as a sad smiley. So, I educated a good 10 people that it is called a ‘frownie.’ Frownie, people. Like smile became smiley, a frown becomes a frownie! Duh..

So, all of you who saw the title and thought what’s with the ‘sad smiley’ raise your hands!

New discovery

2008-06-09T11:39:00.002+05:30

Read Nemo backwards and it reads Omen!

T and I discovered this last night while fiddeling with her Nemo toy and got scared.

Regular posts

2008-05-28T10:20:00.002+05:30

So, since I decided to start blogging all over again, I have to post :)
Anyways, T, who is getting engaged, dragged me to get an engagement ring. So now I am thoroughly educated in terms such as IF, VVS1, VVS2 (the diamond clarity), palladium alloyed white gold, rhodium coated white gold (the former is better btw), resale value for platinum and the Jannat ring.

Well, Hyderabad might not have a commercial street or a linking road, but honestly there are a few small shops here and there where you get cheap good stuff. In fact T and I discovered a shop where we got some cheap dresses and one of T’s junior from college was sitting at the counter – well, actually she was munching kachoris and was not of any great help; No discount either. Hmph!

Yeah, finally when I decided Hyderabad has grown on me, I have become bored. I want to move out of here. So, all people who are reading this post in case you can find a job in a creative field for a software engineer with 3 years being a software engineer, please get in touch. Or please give me pointers. Yeah I can find myself another one of these pretending-to-code jobs, but I want to try something else now. Probably copywriting, or event management or just writing. Hmm, so much for daydreaming!

Yes am alive

2008-05-16T12:13:00.004+05:30

You know how Go-stats send me the statistics and updates every month. I could not believe that I still have hits on my blog! Yay! So, here I am writing something for those people who still bother to check :D

Actually truth be told, I have this other super cool blog where I write anonymously. Since too many people know who I am here, I could not write a lot of things. So, for the 2 people who know I blog at the other place, please do not tell anyone else it is me :)

I thought 2007 was the year of weddings. Man, was I too fast in declaring that. I should have waited for 2008. The old roomie, S is planning on getting married. The new roomie, also S (:)) is definitely getting married and I am the most important bridesmaid, since I helped her 'hit on the guy' *Smug look*

My 'best friend from college' S is settled into happy matrimony. First friend from work, K is finally engaged. And the best news - A (remember the big bully sister) got engaged! Yes, now I definitely need to lose weight :D

PS: Oh I have totally become addicted to Scrubs. In exactly one month I got done with all the episodes of Scrubs ever produced. Pretty please people, go watch the show. I am planning on becoming a Scrubs-lobbyist

I am hoping the blog-fatigue is off

2007-11-05T15:03:00.000+05:30

Have I really lost touch with myself? Has the ‘I’ existence ceased to be anymore? Am I back to the confused world where I don’t know where I am going? Do I no longer voice my opinions?

Or is it just that I liked the feeling that people (anonymous and non-anonymous) read my blog? And some liked it too.

Whatever the reason is, I am back.

Uh huh..

2007-09-12T15:08:00.001+05:30

If you are a virgin, you are one. If you are not, you are not. How does it make any difference?

Why the hypocrisy?

Some useless facts..

2007-09-08T11:19:00.000+05:30

Tags mean narcissism. You have official permission to rant about yourself though no one really cares! But, everyone reads. I love tags! Vidya tagged me.

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it.
There is a mark on my right cheek, which is there from when I was 6. When I had chicken pox, I pinched one of the spots and the scar remains.

2. What does your phone look like? List your reasons to buy it?
Some Samsung flip model. I did not buy it; my parents got it as a gift and because of all the cell phone exchanges within family, I am left with this one.

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?
Pictures of family and friends. A Calvin and Hobbes poster. Glow-in-the-dark stars.

4. What is your current desktop picture?
A picture of a tree with little drops of water on the leaves. Clicked by one of my friends

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?
Yes

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
Since I have been summoned to work on a Saturday, a life???

7 . What time were you born?
00:20 hrs. Midnight baby. Amavashya (New Moon) day (Extra info : Amavashya la porandha kolandha thirudumam Translation: People born on a new moon day steal. Well that is a tamil aphorism)

8. Are your parents still together?
Hello, tambrahm family. This is a sacrilegious question. So, yeah!

9. Last person who made you cry?
A : She told me that I gripe a lot and annoy people. So I cried.

For the record, I am a cry baby! I once cried because I did not want to go to work. Lol! A would remember that!

10. What is your favorite perfume / cologne?
I guess nothing specific. Though I don’t like flowery/ fruity fragrances.

11. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?
Hair color: Black
Eye color: Green

My aerobics instructor’s husband has green eyes. He looks yum!

12. What are you listening to? Why?
Gossip. From S. About a college junior.

13. Do you get scared of the dark?
Yes

14. Do you like painkillers?
Ok seriously, whoever came up with this question? This is the most useless of them all!
Anyways I don’t exactly 'love' them, but need them on most Sat/ Sun morning

15. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Yes, many times.

16. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
Breakfast. Any breakfast. The time is 11:30 am now. I am up from 7. It is more than 12 hours since I had my last meal.

17. Who was the last person who made you mad?
My manager. He came to my cubicle and asked me if my phone was not working. I told him that the ringer was on low volume and increased the volume. He went back to his cabin and gave me a call and asked me to come to his cabin. Finally, all he had to tell me was to transfer the appraisal back to him. How irritating! So, much for the process!

18. List one habit you have that has the potential to annoy people?
I am sarcastic. Sometimes rudely sarcastic.

19. Who was the last person who made you smile?
The concerned guy from housekeeping who wanted to know why I was at work on a Saturday.

Let me tag the first 5 people who comment on this post.

Random Conversation - 5 : Parallel conversation

2007-08-31T13:38:00.000+05:30

Mum: Who wants to have dinner?
A : You know I think this nose ring is very huge.
Me : Apparently I have successfully met expectations. Yay!
Dad : That is so not an LBW!
Pati : Kolangal* will start now. Give me the TV remote.
Mum : Who wants rotis and who wants rice?
A : But you did not work at all!
Me : Yeah you look like a behen ji
A : I think I should lose some weight. Mum, I am not having any dinner.
Dad : Delhi University politics is really lousy! Just see the news.
Me : Hey, then I’ll have A’s share of dessert!
Pati :Kolangal
Mum : You know apparently K has started ignoring his parents after he got married. His mum was nearly in tears.
Me : Really? When did she come? Wat is his dad’s take on this? So, give me the full scoop.
Dad : Yeah, he is kinda acting aloof even with us. Lately, I’ve been noticing this. His dad thinks the same too. We were talking about this for quite sometime. I don't think his wife is being very accomodating either.
Pati : I always thought he was weird.
A : Well, too bad. So, what exactly happened?

Mum : <..full story..>

We bond over gossip!

Glossary:
Kolangal : "The journey of a wronged woman" - An extremely irritating tamil serial which is a primetime hit on Sun TV. Very harmful for sane people.

For family glossary, pls check out this post.

Random thoughts

2007-08-30T10:19:00.000+05:30

- After the blasts, the security guards in our office not only check if we have the ID card, but also check if the picture on the ID matches our face. So, every morning there is a routine 20-second check to see if I have grown old in 8 months.

- How do we tell if the auto-wallahs have followed the directions that we gave them if they don’t nod their heads? I keep telling 'Agla left bhaiya' every two minutes till we reach the left turn.

- My mum should stop stalking me on phone every 2 hours (Ok, exaggeration. But, she did just that on Sunday .. You know after the blasts and all!)

- Weekday drinking is amazing. I got quite some work done yesterday though I had slept for just 3 hours the previous night after a birthday party.

- Shouldn’t a bomb blast beget a bandh inclusive of the MNCs?

- Shouldn’t the MNCs close shop for a day for solidarity?

- On Monday, shouldn’t my manager talk to me about the blasts and how thankful he is that he did not go for the laser show instead of talking about my performance in the 8 months?

“However old you are, you can never reach my age”, says A on every birthday that I had been depressed at being a year older.

It is the big sister’s birthday. Since, she thinks I am defiling her reputation by writing about our ‘cooking expeditions’, I thought it would be fair that I wish her on my blog too.

So, Happy Birthday A.
Am coming home for the cake. Get a black forest. With lots of icing. And cherries. Not the processed ones. The original fruit. And get some wine too. Red. And don’t forget pasta from Little Italy. With white sauce. Creamy white sauce. No olives.

(PS: No, she is not a waitress. And yes, I am very sure she is going to get none of it. Just worth a shot!)

You think you are 'cool'? I think it is extended adolescence..

2007-08-27T09:53:00.000+05:30

Last evening I was completely drenched in dirty water – thanks to all those cars that had to drive in a super high speed on roads with more than ankle-deep water.

Am I being naive and stupid to expect some courtesy and civility from people? I understand that it is difficult to drive without splashing any water, but you can drive slowly and avoid causing much trouble to pedestrians and people on two-wheelers and autos. Is driving a car some kind of a status symbol and has the road been leased out to you so that you can wipe out ‘lowly mortals’ like us?

Why is the concept of basic etiquette lost to people completely? Last evening (Yes, I did not have a great evening till I watched Ratatouille), I was in a queue to get some clothes billed (I shopped because I was irritated by that car incident :)). And some guy broke right into the queue and declared that he had been waiting way longer than me and was constantly irritating the salesgirl with opinions on how the card-swiping machine (whatever that is called) should be used. Then the gentleman standing behind me with his gang of Nike and Benetton-clad, eyebrow pierced guys, wanted the lady at the counter to ‘make it fast.’ Hello! She is doing her job as fast as she can! She is not coochi-cooing with a lover on phone!

A certain someone that I know (let’s say an acquaintance) does not respect lines either. And she was in deed very proud the other day that she got her token in few seconds whereas the other ‘losers’ are waiting in the queue.

And don’t even get me started on all those dumbfucks who harass the stewardess to open the other exit too because it is ‘getting late for them.’ You know you are in an airplane and not an MTC bus, right? And here is informing each of those dim-witted ‘I break traffic signals because I am late’ asses, leave early if you got to reach early! Don’t expect traffic signals to act the way you want them to. It is not magic!

Why should everything boil down to survival of the fittest? Why should it not be live and let live? Why should I explain every single time to people that at least 10% of the bill should be the tip, even if taxes are included in the bill?

I realize that in places like buses, local trains or shared-autos, one has to fight his way for a seat. But, please do not carry this attitude in an office elevator!

I don’t expect the door to be held out for me, but, please don’t slam it at my face!

PS: And while we are on the topic of good manners, it is not ‘cool’ to come late for an appointment (meeting/ date/ dinner/ movie) every single time. You do realize that you are not respecting other’s time, don’t you?

Soup.doc

2007-08-20T10:41:00.001+05:30

‘Get one kg of tomatoes and half a kg of onions’
‘Get the big pack of knorr instant soup. Tangy tomato is a nice flavor’

Appa* heard these 2 overlapping instructions one from each of his daughters.
Pati* was down with a cold and since Mummyji* was not at home, A* offered to make soup.

Here is a clarification that I have to make; when I say A in circumstances involving cooking, cleaning, and artificially cloying and annoying relatives-visit, A is a collective noun which includes both of us. Since I had to make soup irrespective of whether I wanted to or not, I decided to be smart and ask for the instant soup. But, A, as a rule hates all instant food. Given a choice between a lettuce leaf and MTR’s Pav Bhaji, she would obviously pick the leaf, add some pepper to it and eat it for a meal. In fact she has taken it upon herself to educate the entire family about salubrious food habits and appa is hardly seen at home ever since he has been put on a diet consisting of brown rice, no oil/ ghee/ butter, only one cup of coffee per day and rationed sweets.

Since the bully decides, Appa bought the tomatoes and A was excited about making soup. There was a small hindrance to our plan though, since we did not exactly know how to make soup. But Google answers it all!

A quick Google search later A donned the mantle of the head chef and was quick to give out orders.

‘Ok, let me read the recipe. You cut the onions. Don’t cut them too small or too big. Just the right size.’
‘How many onions?’
‘Cant you decide? I am not a chef here. Just use your discretion.’
‘Well, I did not offer to make soup. It was your idea!’
‘Pati is not well, don’t you have the slightest consideration? How mean can you BE?’
‘Ohhhh k. I ll help.’ Long pause ‘How many onions again?’

‘Ok all the recipes just say the same thing. We have to cut the onions, the tomatoes, beat them in the mixer, add water and boil till it becomes thick.’
‘How many onions?’
‘Do we have pepper powder? Or do we have to grind the pepper and make powder out of it?’
‘How many onions?’
‘Just cut all of them ok?’
Ok.

‘Will you cut the tomatoes or do I have to tell you that too?’
‘How many tomatoes’
‘All of them! Why do you think we bought so many?’

‘Cooking is a simple algorithm. You just have to follow the steps and the final outcome is good,’ is something A always says. So saying, she mashed all the ingredients and put them all into the cooker, added water and let them boil.

In the meantime we were discussing how to serve the soup which was still not even in existence.

‘Do you think we should serve some bread too?’
‘No way! You know we have to toast it with butter and it is a million calories. NO!’
‘Hmmm.. Lets get that fancy cutlery out. You know the nice looking soupspoon and bowl. Mummyji will be impressed!’

But, even after half an hour of boiling, the thin mass of purply-red liquid refused to change color.
‘This does not look like tomato soup.’
‘You bet’
‘What if we add kesari powder, the color will change then.’
‘Hmmm, but would it not affect the taste?’
‘Oh yeah, I completely forgot!’

After some deep thought A said, ‘Che, why don’t you taste it. Probably it tastes like soup.’

‘I can only tatse onions. We need more tomatoes!'

‘Appa, get one more kg of tomatoes.’ This time it was the combined voice of both daughters and knowing us Appa bought two kilograms of the vegetable (or is it a fruit?) to avoid further visits.

After 6 more tomatoes, some more boiling and a bruised finger, the soup still did not resemble the picture in the word document. A finally gave up. ‘Appa please buy some Knorr soup. Get two packs. You never know when we might need another.’

Our diet over the weekend predominantly consisted of the wannabe-soup. There is a soup.doc still sitting on the desktop at home. The algorithm was completely wrong. We followed the steps correctly. Blame Google!

Glossary

A : Sister. The slim, more educated, non alcoholic, vegetarian daughter to my parents
Appa : Dad. The figurative head of the family
Mummyji : Mum. The original head of the family
Pati : Grandmom. The only person Mummyji is scared of

Random Conversation - 4

2007-08-15T12:25:00.000+05:30

T’s colleague : So, what did you do yesterday?
T : My roommate and I went clubbing with a few friends.
T’s colleague : Oh, so you went dancing?
T : Yeah, I drink too.
T’s colleague : OMG! Do you have any personal problems?

I was ROTFL when I heard this. Seriously, a couple of drinks every weekend, does not mean we are alcoholics or that we drink to forget the deeply hidden sorrow in our lives.

PS: Ask me what it is like to sit at work on a holiday without understanding the POA to get the priority 1 issue fixed. At the risk of sounding extremely clichéd, I have not yet achieved freedom!

For better weekends..

2007-07-31T12:11:00.001+05:30

Inspired by The Dinner Game (or its offspring Bheja Fry), T* and yours truly are hosting a ‘Bring your dumbass day’ at our very own residence. So, if you know anyone who would fit into the following description, please drop me a mail.

Anyone who matches his/ her shoes, blouse, flower-shaped hair clips, nail color and purse and wears stilettos in Indian monsoons!
Anybody with perfectly shaped nails who, in a desperate attempt to show it off scratches the cheek right below the eye with the index finger.
Anybody who was 12 six years back and still wears flower/ bunny/ bear shaped hair clips.
Anybody who thinks ‘Delhi’ is ‘soooo much kewler’ than Hyderabad, which supposedly is full of auntie-jis with braided hair and cracked feet! (No offense to any Delhiites; I myself know a lot of sensible ones)
Anyone who says ‘how cute’ at the sight of anything pink. Well, face it; pink bunnies are just perverted!
Anyone who puts up 12 narcissistic pictures of him and only him in the orkut album (me in T Shirt, me in dhoti, me in sherwani, me in underwear.. you get the drift right?)
Anyone who thinks going to McD’s is cool!
Anyone who wears cleavagy blouse, but claims to not realize the extent to which the neckline drops when around men.
Any girl that is way past adolescence and can’t say the words bra, period or sex in public.
Anyone who thinks it’s cool to be a North Indian
Any guy who has arms as thin as Calista Flockhart, and wears sleeveless shirts!
Anyone, who is not 12 and still names her soft toys.

We would love to invite him/ her for dinner and drinks, because what is better than an idiot? A drunken idiot!
There are certain conditions that apply though. We decide if the person is Old Monk-worthy, Bacardi-worthy or plain water-in-a-bottle-of-Smirnoff-worthy.

T is going to inaugurate the session, which we are hoping will be a regular event, by inviting one of her acquaintances, who wears golden colored high heels to match her golden colored purse and golden colored hair for an evening at Subway!

*T: New roomie. Loves Booze and Biryani. So, I lowe her!

Update : Such a person is required for pure harmless entertainment purposes.

That's Eeeeewwwwwwww

2007-07-26T08:53:00.000+05:30

What is common to Himesh Reshammiya, Shekhar Suman and television actor Akashdeep Seghal?

They all love to show cleavage.

Why is the sudden fad of cleavage-baring outfits for men? I understand if you want to take your shirt off a la Salman to brag about those muscles, but revealing just the cleavage? I am sorry; it is just too gross!

So, first you take on to sleeveless shirts to flex those biceps, and then you sport long hair and wear a hair band because you are metrosexual, and now you want to move to plunging necklines. So is there anything that is purely a woman’s forte? What next? Start wearing bras too?

Well, that way we’ll have a lot fewer men to choose from!

The End

2007-07-22T11:58:00.000+05:30

*Spolier Alert: In case you have not yet read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, I would suggest you not read this post further. There are references to the ending*

Good Vs Evil
The war is going on from 1997.
Eventually, Good wins, hands down.

This is not a review of the seventh book, this is not to understand why the series is what it is, this is not to support/ oppose the author. This is just a tribute to the series of books, which grew up with me. The books covered 6 very significant years of my life.

To be honest, I was a late entrant into the Harry Potter world. I read the very first book in class 12th, amidst preparations for the ‘most important’ and larger-than-life TNPCEE entrance exams (for people outside TN, it is the exam that decides you ‘fate’, as it the entrance test for the engineering course. Well, my destiny is all set. Anyways, lets not digress). By then 4 of the books were already out.

When you are 17, you assume that you stay 17 for the rest of your life or that life ends at 17. So, I thought that Harry Potter was a tad too childish and I would not read it. But, after some coaxing by the elder sister who was planning a PhD in ‘How to waste time in the final year of college’ before leaving for her Masters, and because I was getting bored of ‘what is the differential of x’ kind of questions, I read the Sorcerer’s Stone (or Philosopher’s Stone). It was a revelation. I loved it. I was scared when they see the three-headed dog. I was impressed with Hermione’s logical skills. I was hoping Ron would do something and he comes up with the brilliant game of chess. And finally Gryffindor wins.

In quick succession I read all the four books in 2001. And then the wait began – for the fifth book. The movies made sure one would never forget the books and keep the tempo and enthusiasm for the series alive. Endless discussions about how the books are better than the movies, how the most important potions scene was missed out in the first movie, ‘but you have to admit, Ron is cute’, classmates coining their own Harry Potter quizzes (am the official Squib, since I don’t remember the complete details of incidents, characters, etc), where do you think we’ll all be when the next books comes out etc. etc. Harry Potter provided a common platform for people to come together, to talk about the most troubled teen, feel bad that he is an orphan, have endless fantasies about studying at Hogwarts, think about what we would see in the Mirror of Erised, having best friends like Ron and Hermione, being loved and respected by all, having a ‘cool’ lightning scar, love the large Weasley family, and many other things. It gave a flight to our imagination.

As I grew older, the patterns related to the purchasing power, reading habits and likes/ dislikes had undergone significant changes. I could see it clearly as I read the Potter books, one after another. When in school, for some reason, it never occurred to me that we should buy books. Probably because of the abundance of pirated books and lending libraries, we never bought books. The first four books were borrowed, from friends, sister’s friends and libraries. The fifth book was sponsored by the earning sister. It was booked online and reached home on the very same day. The sixth book was booked at Bangalore, by one’s own hard-earned money (The second month’s salary to be more specific). Seventh book, planned, booked well in advance, and reached Crossword five minutes after it opened and started reading in the auto itself.

I loved the first book and went through a myriad of emotions while reading it. I cried, I laughed, I was scared, and I read it in one go. I remember reading the second one staying up all night and reading it in the kitchen. The third were nice too. It was nice to know that Harry had a godfather. The fourth was well on its way into becoming dark, but I did not understand that clearly then. But thought Cedric Diggory would make the ideal boy friend. I liked the fifth book, because of all the hints about Ron-Hermione affair thrown here and there. My cousin cried that Sirius died. In fact, because of some extended-adolescent pleasure I was too happy to reveal the ending to several of my friends who had not completed reading the book and be smug about it. The sixth, coming of age book was ok, but I felt all the snogging was too childish.

And the last book, the darkest of them all, was amazing. I loved it. I went through the exact same emotions that I did when I read the first book. It took me back 6 years when with great pleasure I was introduced to the series. The boy who lived continues to live. Snape is good. Dumbledore is always correct. All’s well that ends well. A befitting end. I am happy.

But considering the bigger picture, I feel sad that the series has ended. There is going to be no more anticipation. No more waits. No more guessing about how it is all going to come to a close. Why can’t there be just one another book? Why can’t we have another two years of wait? Why should Hogwarts not have an 8-year course? My dad consoled me and said that there will be something else to read, don’t worry. But, how much longer will it take for another such phenomenon to happen? No one knows.

But it ended on a nice note. The epilogue has a reference to the very first magical object, the most important of them all, the Sorting Hat.

Well, my favorite is still the first book. Probably because I read it at an age when I could be influenced by things a lot more. I read it when I was technically a kid.

I’ll miss Harry Potter. And Ron. And Hermione. And Hagrid. And Hogwarts.

Am done.

2007-07-21T21:09:00.000+05:30

A marathon effort spanning 11 hours to complete the 607 pages of the seventh and final book. Yes, am happy.

It is amazing that Wiki already has the complete plot summary

Random Conversation - 3

2007-07-20T10:26:00.001+05:30

A    : You know someone told me that Ron dies in the last book. Am depressed!
Me : No, don’t tell me! It’s just not possible. Cute people should be immortal.
A    : Tell me about it. I’ll be depressed if any of the 3 leads + Ginny die.
Me : Well, I’m ok if Hermione dies. I don’t like her. But, if she dies, Ron will be depressed. So, she should not die.
A    : OMG, I thought the same!

And at the risk of sounding extremely narcissistic and egotistical, pls read this.

Random Conversation - 2

2007-07-18T17:56:00.000+05:30

Did you see that girl today wearing a sari today? Did she forget her blouse or what? It looked like she was just wearing a bra!
Oh yeah, I did! What was she thinking! Mahesh* was trying hard to get a better view. And did you see Namrata’s* clothes. Such a plunging neckline and she was bending all over the place.
And Harika* is so totally hitting on Dwarak*. She keeps talking to him in that needy whining voice of hers.
And what about that HR lady and Nitin*? Are they seeing each other?

I was listening intently to this conversation between my two roommates who work at the same place (which may I add has an annoyingly large number of women) when they decided to include me exchange.

So, give us some gossip from where you work.

Hmmm. Do badly dressed men who work from 9 to 9 qualify as interesting?

(PS: Well, thanks to the fact that the company is screwing up its recruitment process/ policies like the previous company I worked for, there are more women at sight. Well, we do make for a more appealing work place, don’t we!)

*Names changed to protect privacy. Well, WTF! I don’t remember the names. I was too busy listening to the gossip.

Random conversations

2007-07-16T12:14:00.000+05:30

Conversation with a friend (who is a guy btw)

Me       : So, how is the new roommate?
Friend : Well, he seems fine. He smokes and drinks.
Me       : That’s all you care about?
Friend : He has a good porn collection too.
Me       : How does it matter!
Friend : All I say is that, it is a good sign! Huh…

Well, what can I say except, MEN!

Social Failure

2007-07-13T16:02:00.000+05:30

I feel like a Social Failure. I have not yet watched Sivaji.

Am at complete loss for words when people obviously assume I must have watched it at least once. Even a certain someone that I know, who does not follow south Indian languages, has watched it. Even A has watched it.

I am a Social failure.

Gaming!

2007-07-09T10:44:00.000+05:30

After wearing out a pack of Uno cards at Manali, I was suddenly reminded that I did not play board games any more. It had just suddenly come to an abrupt stop. A predominant part of the childhood was spent playing a lot of games. I used to love toys and dolls and whoever gave the best toy as a birthday gift was the best friend for the next one year.

The very first doll that I ever owned was a scraggy little thing, which was named Sweetie (I still do not recall the origin of the name). I remember carrying her with me wherever I went. I would never leave her alone and would proudly show her off to neighbors and friends. The next one was a gift from an aunt and was named Julie (thanks to A). Julie was one of its kinds, at least for me. Julie could close and open her eyes. So, when you put her down to sleep, she would close her eyes and when she was awake and stand up straight, she would have wide open eyes. So, it was great fun to make Julie go to sleep, but I grew bored of her because it was not required of me to sing her a lullaby or something, all I had to do was lay her down and she would be asleep. So, I was always loyal to Sweetie.

I remember another hand-me-down bommai from A. And he was called Johnnie. He was technically a dog and was very boring because A still had claims over him.

I also had a Barbie, which would wear blue colored high heels, have a stereo set with headphones and a little yellow comb. Barbie was purchased just to boost my ego, the I-too-own-a-Barbie syndrome. Actually it is more like my-Barbie-is-better-than-yours syndrome.

All this was way before the world of Board Games and intelligent pastimes started. Every time Appa went to Bombay, he would pick something from there and we would add one more to our ever-increasing treasure. So, I was introduced to games like Scrabble, Monopoly (which is called Business on our board), Brainvita, Life, Cleudo, Scotland Yard, Ludo, etc. But, as always I would prefer Monopoly, because I did not have to do a little bit of thinking for the game and A used to hate it since it was never ending. A and Mummyji preferred the more intelligent Scrabble because it is supposed to improve your vocabulary and I used to hate it because I would always lose the game.

And when certain milestones were reached, such as the first time a single marble was left in Brainvita (the award goes to A), getting the Rubik’s cube right (well, our’s was not exactly a Rubik’s cube, it was various colored blocks on a flat surface and the blocks had to rotated till the correct pattern came up), getting the maximum points in one turn at Scrabble (I think this went to cousin K), who came down the longest snake the maximum number of times (it brought you down from block 99 to block 7) or whoever completes the rummy (this went to me. We are a family that loves playing cards. My dad just can’t get enough of it :)), it was time for celebration.

I specially remember one game which I loved. It was this game where the frogs had to jump into a pond. So, there was this plastic pond and a number of plastic frogs which would jump when the tail was depressed at an appropriate angle. A, who thought it was waste of time because you had to do the same thing over and over again, in an unsaid pact gave it away to me and I used to be completely delighted to see the colored frogs jumping in all directions.

Then one fine day, came the jigsaw puzzle. It was purchased at a discount sale in a big book store. It came in a fat box and had six puzzles in it. The moment I realized that I could not fix even two pieces correctly, but A was half way through completing one of them; I had copious tears and as usual went to Mummyji for refuge. So, they came up with a brilliant idea -- A had to not just fix the each of the puzzles properly, but also had to number the pieces from left to right, bottom to top, so that I could see the numbers and be satisfied that I managed to fix the puzzle right. And they were not wrong; I used to be happy every time I put the puzzle in place with the help of the numbers.

But, playing the game was never the end of it. Mummyji had strict instructions that nothing should be lost and we should learn to be careful (she is still teaching A this with no results), so all the pieces should go back into the box exactly they way it was when it was packed. I don’t ever recall A pitching in to help me with this one. I used to love putting the cards in the appropriately colored stack, check if all the Q’s went into the box (Q carried a lot of points), count if there were 32 pieces in all the puzzle boxes, and wrap them all up and put them into the grey box.

But somewhere down the line, board exams and computer games took over and I believe we still have the dusty box with all the games in it. I don’t recollect throwing them away or handing it over to someone else. Well, nowadays there is a computerized version of most games, but I prefer the good old days when Board games were actually played on a board sitting on the bed with a lot of goodies on a nice afternoon. I sometimes still do that, though it happens very occasionally.

And here is an important question, where is Sweetie? I still remember the lovely thing.

I wonder

2007-07-05T10:52:00.000+05:30

Sleep Today, Repent tomorrow: Taj of India - Taj Mahal, is in serious danger of being REMOVED from the list of 7 Wonders.

So, says the new mail in my inbox. I have 7 such mails directly moved to trash already. First of all whoever structured a sentence like this? Reading just the part where Taj is in serious danger, I paused to think if I knew someone called Taj and if he has met with an accident.

Seriously speaking, who came up with the idea of an online poll to pick the new seven wonders? Why should I vote for the Taj just because that is the only ‘wonder’ that I have visited? Should the vote not be on a comparative basis? Should we not have qualified people deciding which monument is worthy enough to be referred to as a wonder? Sex workers in Muzaffarpur are campaigning for the Taj! Well, UNESCO has washed its hands off the project. Bernard Weber (the guy who wanted new seven wonders in first place) is busy getting Bipasha contact lenses to aid her in hosting the show. Let me just say one thing Mr. Weber, as suggested; you should jump off a pyramid for starting this whole dumbass campaign.

Well, the world has so many stupid things happening, but people only want to concentrate on why Rajini is a phenomenon in Tamil Nadu! I say add him to the wonders list. He will get an astonishingly large number of votes any day!

And for all those people who sent me the ‘Your vote matters’ emails and SMSes, remember I have them safely stored in drafts. I am going to forward all this back during the next general elections. Lets see if I manage a 100% voter turnout from my friends list.

Manali

2007-06-29T12:08:00.000+05:30

2 bags full of unwashed clothes. 32 unread email messages in gmail. 10 new scraps on orkut. One broken toe nail. Sneakers smeared in mud. Boarding Passes for LTA. Uno cards with dog ears. Cofitos from the flight. 2 pounds additional weight. Stalk of the chilly from the chilly-eating contest. Yellow pebble from the Beas. Stoles for the sister. Pretty expensive ear rings from the Tibetan store. Slight hint of a sore throat. A lot of exchanged gossip. 400 odd pictures. Loads of beautiful memories. Better relationships with previously known people. Completely refreshed.

Still hungover about Manali. Do I need to say that work and city suck!

Journalism?????????

2007-06-22T11:06:00.000+05:30

Pls check this out Big B's interview

Am I the only person who felt that the questions asked were outright stupid? First of all he is asked if he knows to cook and when the answer was negative, he was asked if he could make zafrani pulao just because there is a dialogue in Cheeni Kum regarding zafrani pulao . Hello, he just said that he could just about boil water! In fact he is even asked if Ash is married to a tree? ROTFL...

Well is the Big B an amazingly patient man or does he just like all the attention or is he dumb enough to not understand the extend of silliness in what he is asked.

Pls educate these guys about temperature control

2007-06-21T11:37:00.000+05:30

“Keep it at 25 degrees. I have an A/C at home. 25 is good enough”

So, I hear from the cabin behind me.
Pls call the Blue Star guys! This place is freezing! Brrrrrrrrr…..

The Fall

2007-06-08T11:45:00.000+05:30

Yes, I did it again. I once again tripped and fell down in front of a bunch of people I hardly know. No – I am not the least bit embarrassed. For the uninitiated, I am the most accident-prone person I know. I have an uncanny ability to lose balance and fall down especially when I am wearing flat sandals and on a flat surface.

I have been the butt of numerous family jokes owing to the fact that a namaskaram is mandatory for me before entering any store, restaurant, mall etc. In fact ever as long as I can remember, I have been like this. When I was a just 6 years old, I was walking towards a friend’s place and for no reason (I don’t recall any impediment on my path) just fell down and bang! – 3 full months with a plaster on my left arm – bone dislocation! My mom still warns anybody physically abusing me to keep away from my left arm (note – she does not mind the abuse, just the left arm is her problem). So, I always attribute my absolute inability to participate in any sport to this childhood mishap.

Actually being prone to accidents started way before I was 6 years old. When I was barely an 18-month old baby, my mom had carefully put me into one of those homemade cloth cradles and was busy rocking me. Actually she was rocking a bit too fast and violently, the reason for which has not been disclosed to our generation, but A and I presume it was because of a big fight with dad, and the entire cradle thingy dismantled itself comfortably from the hook it was suspended from and thud – I landed on the ground 2 feet away from my mom. A thinks that I have a screwed up head as a consequence of that episode and I have turned out like this. Well, I just say she watches a lot of Bollywood movies.

So, every time I walk on a wet or slippery surface, I keep telling myself – Walk slowly. Stamp hard while walking. Hold on to something. OMG, is that cute guy out there! *Very happy and forgetting the first three instructions to self* thud! I fall down.
*Cute guy laughing hard*. Well, at least he is happy seeing me!

Beyond one stage I started becoming immune to people staring at me every time I tumble over. So, back in college, on a trip to Bangalore, a couple of decided to go drinking. It was one of those times when I had just started drinking. So, after a couple of drinks, we went back shopping and meeting the rest of the gang. At a dingy little store on MG road I tripped on a tiny spiral wooden staircase. I did not worry about it too much because I was used to me falling anywhere, but my friends who did not know of my gift had convinced themselves that I was inebriated and kept on enquiring if I would be fine, if I needed lemon, if I needed to hold on to something and one even suggested that I remove my sandals and try walking. After that I had 3 people surrounding me so that I could be held whenever I fall.

So, my family came to terms with the fact that I am just born with such distinguished abilities. So, when I am getting out of a mall with loads of bags, shades plopped up on my head, neatly dressed and on the whole trying to portray an elegant self, I forget a very important thing – that there are steps at the exit and as usual I fall down with all stuff falling around me. In the midst of ‘Are you ok/ Are you fine/ Sure?’ and many such kind and considerate questions from complete strangers, I notice A too busy rolling on the floor laughing. Yes, I do have a cruel family.

But, I guess I am nothing in comparison to A’s social inabilities. Here are two of A’s classic faux pas.

At a birthday party very busy gorging on cake and trying to make small talk,

A: So, john (or peter, or one of those regular American names) how old are you today?
John/ Peter/ Regular American name: 30
A: That’s it?

At another occasion, when she was attending a cultural show by actress Shobana and company, she went backstage to meet one of the performers who also happened to be my mom’s student. But, since it is A in picture, some fiasco has to happen and she is directed to Shobana. A, does not know what to say and the two friends accompanying her are of no help either. So, she blurts out,

‘That was a good show. Honestly, I didn’t think it would be good’
.

Billboards

2007-06-05T23:13:00.001+05:30

I have been meaning to write about this for quite somethime now.

In spite of the risk of sounding like a bra-burning feminist, I have a few questions:

Who has been coming up with the latest Deccan Chronicle ads? Esp the Billboards (a really large number of them) that I have been seeing over and over again at both Chennai and Hyd? Why does it have something written across the chest of an apparently hot woman? How many of you have been wondering about the actual implication of the advertisement? Is the pun intended or unintended (One of the other billboards had the message ‘Boom or Bust’ written on the lady’s T Shirt)? Why do we need skimpily clad women to advertise every available product on the face of this earth?

This ad reminds me of another one which was for Zapak.com – the online gaming portal. It had 3 women – one, a fat geek with glasses, another a normal girl-next-door types and the third one was a very hot woman wearing a top 2 sizes too short. And the captions against each of them respectively read, easy, medium and hard. Just when I was thinking how cheap and disparaging it was, I heard one of my colleagues appreciating the brilliant concept to a co-worker.

Why is ethics such a lost concept in advertising? Are our men such idiots that they would not buy something unless it has a derogatory reference to women? Like A says here, why do men’s deodorant commercials require women? Should the only concern be to sell the product at any cost, degrading anyone in the process?
.

Is this for real?

2007-06-03T23:54:00.000+05:30

An 'insider' says this with reference to Paris Hilton's jail term

"It's going to make her more famous than ever. In jail, she's going to get enviably skinny, and without any make-up or products her hair and skin will finally be able to breathe, so they'll look amazing, too."

It's extremely funny to note how vain people can get!
Full Article

PVR Bengaluru

2007-05-15T14:56:00.000+05:30

When I was a kid, I was taught that 'school is second home.' But, when I graduated from college and moved to Bangalore, I was very naïve and did not know what to adopt as a second home. So, after some serious thought, I zeroed in on PVR cinemas. Honestly speaking PVR cinemas was my first home and the original home for which I was paying the rent became my second home. In fact when one of my colleagues told my roommate D that I was missing for the past 2 days, she immediately said,' Lets wait till 1 am because that's when the last show gets over at PVR and if she still does not return, lets go to the police.'

D and I have forever been big fans of night shows. We have a record of having watched the crappiest of all movies at midnight. We have watched amazingly life-altering movies like Pyaar mein twist, Waah! Life ho to aisi, Garam Masala and The new World after a really tough day at work (read a day complete with checking mails, browsing the net, deciding whose mail is worthy enough for a reply, browse through all the forwarded mail, decide which ones to forward again and whom to forward them to). Well, it is still surprising that both of us used to get into depression at the same time and armed with a bar of chocolate and bags of Lays, we used to look forward to 3 hours of senseless 'entertainment.' Well, let me explain the concept of how these movies try to get rid of depression. There are 2 theories to this:

It proves that there are certain sets of people who completely lack intelligence and write a totally mindless script and actually spend money to make it into a movie. Also, there are these other sets of people who are even more ridiculous than the former bunch that they agree to act in these movies. So, the conclusion that you can draw from this is that there are 2 groups of people who are more dim-witted than you are, giving you a slightly elevated sense of self.
Theory #2 says that after having endured 3 hours of crap on a 70mm screen, you begin to have the vague feeling that your day job is better than at least something in this world. Well, it does not rob you off 200 (tickets)+ 70 (pepsi-popcorn.. jumbo combo) + some godforsaken amount for the auto!

Like some people suffer from partial amnesia, we suffer from partial common sense. Well, the symptoms of this state of mind is that our common sense fails us when we are extremely depressed and gripe about the bad state of our lives (rather non-life) and decide to just go ahead and watch a late night show. But, when the show gets over is when our sense kicks in and we realize that it had been a very bad decision and two women would have to travel all alone at 2 o clock in the night.

So, the moment we get out of Forum, we are welcomed by a swarm of people who for some reason remind me of the Lagaan poster scene. Well, it is pretty obvious that they very confidently look forward to a battle, which they know they are going to win. Well, these people are called 'The Bangalore Autowallas.'

The late night quarrels with these people is proof enough that D and I are not quitters. Almost every single day we make sure that we put forth a strong fight against these people in spite of the fact that deep down we know that it is a losing battle.

150

No, 50

Ok madam, for you sake, 145

No, 70

Just because you are two women, 142.50

No, 100

C'mon madam, it's late in the night. No return savari

Ok, 120

Don't argue now madam, you won't get autos anywhere else.

Ok, 140, but not one rupee more

Ok, fine as you say!

And with smug looks, we would get into the auto. Hey, we are amazing at bargaining! Well, this is just the beginning of a series of mental wars for us. It is just not sufficient if you get an auto at 2am in the morning. You also have to essentially get a 'good autowallah.' You hear so many stories about women being kidnapped, raped and killed, and considering the fact that the book
'Why women can't read maps' is inspired by me, we could never once figure out if he was taking us in the correct direction. So, our conversation is more or less like,

'So, do you think he can be trusted. Or should we have taken that older looking fellow.'

'No believe me. You can never believe these older men. You never know what is going on in their minds'

'Hmmm.. OMG, there are no streetlights here. Am scared.'

'We should have called up AD (D's boyfriend) to escort us.'

'But, I thought you had a fight with him and that's why you were depressed which is why we made the movie plan.'

'Well, we did, but after seeing Amrita Rao's plight after Shahid died in the movie, I was too moved and realized that I do not want a life w/o AD. So, I called truce. We have decided never to argue again.'

'Oh … k…'

'And, he also promised to get me that skirt that I have been eyeing at Mark and Spencer's for months now.'

'Hey, I guess this guy is taking us for a ride. We ve already been through this road once.'

'Really? You know how we make really bad decisions. We should never travel alone like this at this time in the night.'

'Tell, me about it! From tomorrow, no more depression! We love our jobs. We love our lives. No more wasting money on such mindless crap.'

'Yeah we should not watch a movie for another month to come. And we should not loiter around late in the night.'

'Hey, we are home! Yay!'

So, after customarily lighting the matchstick to check for money, the autowallah declares that he has no change and as usual we hand him 2 crisp notes – a 100 and a 50.

Next day…

Me: D, there's a 10 o clock show of the Home Delivery. Apparently it is a different attempt. Come lets go check it out. Viveik is really cute.

D : Yeah, lets go. AD is such a b******! Apparently he does not have money for the skirt this month!

Captain!

2007-05-04T23:24:00.001+05:30

Back in college, there was one person who had been associated with a large number of monikers. And this distinguished individual is my friend S's dad. Owing to the fact that he is an inspector he used to be given a new name every day. Referring to him as Ettayya, Telex Pandian, Ulle-Veliye Parthiban, etc. etc., was very common. People used to have great fun at his expense and everyone used to grab money from S claiming that her dad had taken it from them at gunpoint the previous night.

So, back then, whenever we were caught w/o a driving license or crossing the red light, all she had to do was just say, “Inspector G oda ponnu" and we could go away scot-free without having to pay any money. So, she never cared enough to learn certain trivial concepts including the traffic signal, lane system and spending money to buy movie tickets.

S had (and still has) amazing driving skills. But, there was just one assumption she always made and that was, she believed that the road also belonged to Inspector G. So, anyone who drives following the rules is an idiot who never should be in possession of a vehicle in first place. So, when the two of us are going some place in the legendary white Zen, the conversation would be more or less like this,

"Hey I think we missed Odyssey."
"Oh shit, let’s head to Archie’s then"
"No. We are past that right too"
"Ok. Then let’s turn back."

So, without the slightest consideration that we are in the midst of a traffic jam on the ever-busy Sardar Patel road, she would just turn back and take a U turn. So, all the people who had been driving in both directions who block her from her course in spite of 'requesting' them to just stop and let her move were summed up with just one comment, 'How rude!' For some reason unfathomable to me, she always associated the term 'unkind' with them.

Due to the fact that half the college drove the car, it was always in a dreadful state. So, it was not a new thing for the car to stop at all godforsaken places. So, once when it stopped in the middle of TTK road, I was kind of hassled about how we were going to get it out of there. But, S just did not worry. She opened her bag and pulled out a hairbrush and lipstick. Yay! She has additional time for make up.

So, when the traffic was piling up behind us, a couple of men walked up to help the two needy women. They suggested,

'Madam, we will push the car and you try to start'
'Ok'

So, after pushing for nearly half a kilometer, they suddenly realized that S was not making any attempt to start the car, but was still busy with setting her hair in place. So, an irritated voice spoke up,

'Madam, please start the car. We are pushing for quite some distance now.'
'But, I don't know how to start!'

After this incident S found an easier alternative. The moment the car stopped, she would pull out her phone and make a call.

'Daddy, what kind of a lousy car is this. It just stops and does not start again. This is so embarrassing!'
'Ok, I'll send someone to take care of it.'

But what she did not expect was a strong retort from daddy dear.

'Hey, did you not realize that the car was running short of fuel? The petrol tank is empty. That's why it stopped. The fuel indicator was pointing to E'
'Oh, that works? Since the indicator forever points to E, I thought it does not work! Oh, that explains why it keeps stopping at odd places!'

The crowning point in all these situations is that S uttered them without the slightest sense of guilt or embarrassment. She would say these statements in all earnest. In fact you can hardly see S making any jokes or trying to show of that she has an 'amazing sense of humor.' She just naturally has her priorities wrong. She thinks mismatched clothes is embarrassing but does not mind admitting that she was pretty pissed off that her dad could not get the thiruttu VCDs when he raided some place.

But, this lady here has made a huge difference in my life. She was the one who got this unsuspecting poor li'l tam brahm girl hooked to meat. Her entire family is collectively responsible for the death of a whole lot of animals. They religiously follow the policy of 'Parakrathla aeroplaneum medhakrathla kappala thavara vera ellam saapiduvom.' Anything vegetarian is immediately rejected at their place. On festival days when meat was forbidden from being cooked at home, S quickly made plans for lunch or dinner out of home to ensure that her stomach is not deprived of at least chicken. So, every time I dropped in to her place (which was more than twice every week), her mom used to look at me like I am deprived of all the good in this world because I don't get to eat meat at home and would quickly cook just for me. But, I have to give it to both S and her mom – they are absolutely amazing cooks!

Well, S is getting married now. Congrats to her! Let us hope her husband does not let her drive!

2007-04-30T11:41:00.000+05:30

Well, what’s with the sudden surge of reality tv? Why is everybody so obsessed with making every show into a reality show? Well, the latest entrant (on tamil television i.e.) is Airtel Super Singer Juniortamizhagathin chella kuzhandhaikkana thedal.

For all those who do not watch Vijay tv, this is something like Indian Idol (which itself is copied from American Idol), but for kids. I do not know the status of the program now, but I remember watching the show a few weeks back when it was in the initial stages. So, instead of making it a normal children’s competition, by cashing in on the cuteness factor, these people are trying really hard to turn it into a ‘reality show.’ So, what exactly happens is that, anyone from year 4 to probably 15 is allowed to take part in the show. Actually, they don't just 'take part', they 'audition.' (When it is 'reality tv' it is always audition). So, there are some kids who might have been learning music for around 6 years against others who still have the mazhalai-maaradha kural(I do not know how to translate that. Tamil readers, pls help by posting a comment with the translation!). First of all it is very difficult to conduct a competition for kids, because they like living by their whims and fancies and also get disappointed pretty fast. So, it would be a lot easier on the participants, parents and the organizers if they had probably specified an age limit for the contestant. That way, they a relatively fair competition could be ensured.

The worst part of the program would definitely have to be the part where they would focus hard on an upset kid who has just been rejected and who is nearly crying. So, we see a 5 year old who is trying hard to hold up her tears because she is facing the camera and she is asked questions like, ‘So, how do you feel after being rejected?’ ‘Do you think the judges were correct?’ ‘Do you think you sang well?’ For god’s sake, how dumb can people be! Nobody would ever want to watch a kid crying on national television. It just seems so cruel! And instead of making the child feel better by giving her a chocolate and asking her what her favorite color is, she is asked extremely lame questions which of no consequence whatsoever to anyone. Finally the kid is shown walking away from the set with a lousy background commentary somewhat like

‘Andha pinju manadu evalavu paadu padum. Indha siru kozhandhai adutha varudam varuma?’

Honestly, this sounds a lot worse than the hindi cricket commentary.
Why can’t it be a regular music competition everyone just sings, are given marks and are let go off when they do not win! Anyways everyone would be glad to see a bunch of little kids singing (well, there are some children who sing amazingly well!). What’s this obsession to make it different from the others? At the end of the day, the audience is not stupid to believe that this is any different from the godforsaken number of music competitions that air on the tamil channels. Come Sunday, there are hordes of such programs and it is really surprising to see that the timings of these programs never clash.

In fact the time of any two similar programs on different channels never clash. For eg., there are these specific genre of programs which rate the movies playing in the theaters for that particular week. So, every channel has it s own version with different names like, Top 10 movies, Mega 10 movies, Movie No.1 etc., etc. (It is a different issue that the movies are not rated by their performance, but by the political party the channel supports). So, if you want to watch movie clippings over and over again, all you have to do is put the television on from 9 in the morning and flip channels every half an hour till it is time for lunch.

Well let me leave you with Barron’s definition of a few words. How true are they!

Academic: Related to school, not practical or directly useful.
Cubicle : Small chamber used for sleeping (lol..)

How I learnt to make tea!

2007-04-16T16:48:00.000+05:30

Every family has its traditions. Like Bollywood movies have the family ornament being handed over from generation to generation, K serials have house keys dangling from the mom-in-law's hip, or Vijay TR always has a sister in trouble. Considering the fact that I hail from a Tam Brahm family the 'greatest gem' being education, we could not ape the B grade flicks that we grew up watching on DD. But we have our customs too, which predominantly is a result of our social ineptness. Like for eg, the moment the doorbell rings, we quickly leave the cozy comfort of the living room couch and dash to the bedroom in order to escape the ordeal of having to talk to the 'guests.' In fact my sister, A and I were so adept at doing this that we could quickly gather a mattress, packets of biscuits, plates, multiple water bottles, dozens of books and the TV remote in just 30 seconds and make it appear that the living room was not inhabited in the last 24 hours.

To be fair, the whole family is not bad at conversations. My mom is probably a God sent gift to us. She can carry on a conversation for hours together with anyone. Since she holds a PhD in small talk, she remembers how many children, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, grandkids, great-grandkids, houses, cars, bags and pens every person has. So, she can easily ask questions like 'So, has your brother's sister-in-law's second daughter's husband's cousin returned from the US?' Now, such questions will put the opposite person in a fix since it will take him at least five minutes to figure out whom my mom is referring to. As kids all we had to do was make a 5-minute appearance with the practiced awkward grin stuck to our faces.

We totally blame this state of ours on our dad. Talk to my dad about politics, economics, finance and a bit of sports and he is a happy man. But, the moment he is forced to do any kind of small talk, he is at complete loss for words. So, when women come home, he does not know how to get them to talk politics and resorts to the awkward smile and grunts here and there to prove his existence in the living room. He believes in a very simple philosophy in life - his daughters who are twenty-something are always kids. And anyone who is married is old enough to die and become a mummy. So, when the couple who had been married just a couple of months back came home, he could not think of any way to save himself the embarrassment of not knowing how to converse and so, quickly called me and said 'Say hi to auntie and uncle!' (‘Auntie’ here refers to someone my sister’s age) Well, that could possibly signify the end of a pleasant relationship at least with the woman who was giving him the if-looks-could-kill-you-would-be-reduced-to-ashes look!

As kids, in the extremely unusual circumstance of my mom not being there at home when someone decided to barge in, that signified great trouble. My dad would be forced to entertain these people and after five minutes into the conversation he would call out and say 'A, please make some tea for them.'

Now, please don't assume that my dad is playing the great host, he just is trying to fill the gaps. After losing out on topics to discuss, this is the best way to keep talking till my mom comes back. Now when you ask someone for tea, it ensures a swarm of connected questions and answers like 'Why don’t you have tea? How much sugar do you want in your tea? C,mon how can you come home and not have anything! Oh, no I don't drink tea. Oh would you have coffee then? Well not a lot, just a little bit, half a cup. And don't add a lot of sugar, I am cutting down you know. Don't make it too strong either. A lot of milk pls!' which would make sure that the next half an hour passes smoothly.

So, A, who is used to lying on the living room couch with a book or the TV remote is extremely irritated that her favorite spot has been occupied and now she has 'cook!'. So a quick shrill 'Che!' is what I hear and have to go to the kitchen and see a terror-struck A.

Frantic calls to my grandmom had to be made with questions like 'Pati, tea podi enga?' (Granny, where's the tea dust?) and pati, would give a very informative reply which was more or less like 'Mela plastic dabba la paaru.' (Just check out the plastic container at the top shelf.) Now, this would have been extremely helpful if only all our cupboards were not placed at 5-feet above ground level and if we did not have exactly 224 plastic containers, of which only 2 are transparent and both empty. After ransacking the kitchen, and getting the tea dust, starts the real problem.

A : So, should we boil milk first or water?
Me : Mum, boils water first.
A : But, dad boils milk first.
Me : Hmmm.. Lets mix both then.
A : Ok, but when do we add the tea dust?
Me : I don't know. You are the older one, you should know!
A : You are 13! You can start learning.
Me : You never learnt when you were 13. In fact you still don't know!
A : Ok you know what – this is the last time I am ever going to ask you for any help!
Me : SUITS ME!
After a long pause,
A : OMG, looks like the milk has got spoilt.
Me : Oh man, it could be the milk which had been set to curd and we used it to make tea!
A : Crap! Quickly get a new pack of milk.
..

A : How much sugar should be added?
Me : We should probably give dad the chai first, and test to see if he can live through it and then probably give it to the others.
A : Well, quickly taste this and see if it's ok.
Me : I don't drink tea! I don't know if it tastes good.
A : I think it needs more milk and sugar. Quick taste it now.
Me : *stares*
A : Ok, I cant serve, you are the younger one, so you should go.
Me : You just told me that I not too small now.
A : Go, go, go…!

So, my mum is left to clean up the storm-struck kitchen, which has pots and pans full of milk and strained tea dust, lines of glasses used to taste the tea at various stages, spilt milk, sugar and mustard seeds (which was dropped when the search for tea dust was full fledged).

Well, A still can't cook alone. She needs an assistant (read me) in the kitchen.

It's raining :)

2007-04-12T17:53:00.000+05:30

How does it rain at one place and not rain at another? So, where does the demarcation happen? Is it like a straight line, something like an LOC from where it just stops raining?

PS: Qn prompted by the fact that it is pouring where my office is located, but it is not where A works.

MTV needs better shows

2007-03-31T16:40:00.000+05:30

Have any of you watched the extremely low IQ program on MTV called GPL? Anyone in their rightful senses would not watch it if they have already endured the one hour of complete nonsense previously. For the uninitiated, this show is ‘all about love’. Every episode has a guy (or a girl) who is sought after by 2 girls (or 2 guys in case the ‘protagonist’ is a girl). So, the 2 girls ‘compete’ for the guy and finally the guy gets to select one. And the director obviously is trying to make it an ‘interesting’ reality show.

So we have episodes where a guy makes two obviously dumb hot women to race against each other, 2 men trying to put down each other in an attempt to woo a girl, men virtually begging for a kiss from the lady in charge, cheesy attempts at romance complete with soft toys and chocolates and on the whole an extremely boring show. In fact there was a girl who was attracted to one of her contenders because of his skills at painting. So, what masterpiece did our man produce – he drew a heart and filled it in red and filled the space outside the heart also in red. Apparently, he has so much love for the lady that it cannot be contained in his heart. How corny!

And finally the girl/ guy picks the one person whom he/ she was most impressed by or most ‘connected’ to. And to the person who is rejected he is ‘given a GPL.’ Maybe I am uninformed, but what is GPL? Well, I have just one question, what is the purpose of the show? Where do they find these dumb participants whose bandwidth of conversation starts and ends with which bollywood couple is the cutest. Some people go through an entire lifetime not realizing how stupid they are!

Let me give my defense before you people start judging me – I have just watched one complete episode of this evidently idiotic show on of those lazy afternoons when I was gorging on packets of chips, cakes and coke and nothing remotely sensible was playing on television.

So, which extremely smart guy came up with this concept? And why would someone love to get humiliated on national television? Why would these people want to display their lack of intelligence in front of the entire world? And I ask the same question again – How do some people go through an entire lifetime not realizing that they are stupid?

I hate coming back to work after 4 days of lazing around :(

2007-03-28T14:50:00.000+05:30

Manager: So, how was the weekend? .. Long one for you because of the additional two days off..
Me : Obviously good *wide grin*
Manager: So, you must be looking forward to working na? I absolutely love to work especially after having traveled.
Me : (*thinking* really? I think work sucks..) *aloud* Oh, I love traveling!

My teammate thinks that this is a super euphemistic reply and has been laughing about it since morning.

Free for Chat

2007-03-09T20:34:00.000+05:30

What is the purpose of the status ‘Free for chat’ on the official messenger? Will someone have the nerve to display such a status at work where their ‘friends’ list predominantly has teammates including managers? Everybody knows that every single person is ‘Free for Chat’ 24/7. But is it not a sin to officially admit that you have no work?

Handbag

2007-03-05T13:37:00.000+05:30

Contents of my handbag:

Keys (office PMU keys, sis’s house keys, aunt’s house keys, friend’s house keys)
Money (to be more specific, Rs.157 in one and two rupee coins)
Pens (3 –Black and 2 –Blue, not to forget the cute little pink one which is a gift from someone that I don’t remember, but remember the fact that it is supposedly very special)
A/c statement of the bank account that I closed 4 months back
Hair clips - 2 (What if my hair decides to grow long in a day and the A/C at work also stops working? It is a nagging feeling to have hair touch your neck).
Notepads – 2
Kitchen tissues
Face tissues
Chap stick
Vaseline lip guard
Lipstick (Lakme Rum n Raisin)
Hair Brush
Copy of Steve Jobs, ‘Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish’ speech
Chocolate (which has gone soggy because I forgot it s existence)
Deodorant
Moisturizer
Hutch Bill
The silver bangle, which is a good luck charm
Calvin and Hobbes- Something under the bed is drooling
Lays chips – Magic Masala
Today’s Hindu (I hate TOI)
Orange - 1
Shopper’s Stop/ Hyderabad Central/ Lifestyle/ Lakme Beauty Salon/ Habib’s bills (what if I have to exchange something!)
A stole (Stoles go with anything!)
Wallet
Print of the really nice forward I received the other day
Mobile Phone
Mobile Phone charger
Amitav Ghosh’s Hungry Tide
Medical Bills (for reimbursement)
Copy of my flight tickets to Delhi (that was a month back), Blore and Chennai (these two are yet to happen)
Copy of dad’s flight tickets to Hyd
Copy of sis’s flight tickets to Chennai
Copy of all the bills required to save tax
A pair of earrings
ID card

Except for certain variations (like the shade of lipstick or brand of moisturizer) my bag perennially contains all this. So, please please please, don’t ask me (or any other woman for that matter) questions like.. Why I carry such a huge bag? What is the content of the bag? Why I cant find anything in my bag in less than 5 minutes? How I managed to put on weight AGAIN (Ok, that has nothing to do with the bag. But, what the hell, this question is forbidden too!).

Also, cleaning my handbag is the biggest chore of Sunday. But, within one week I am very capable of collecting junk! :D

Orkut

2007-02-23T15:50:00.000+05:30

Ok, I don’t know what purpose this community was originally supposed to serve, but it has managed to do one thing – make the most boring people appear like the most interesting!

C’mon, I know of a few ppl in whose company I d probably commit suicide after 5 minutes and they have the ‘coolest’ testimonials! Well there is this testimonial of a guy who is defined as “insanity personified..” Well, I totally agree that the person is insane (to the point that I hate him and don’t pick his calls), but why would he be glad to be called so? Is it some kind of a ‘happening’ thing? And why should ‘my’ be spelt as ‘ma’? Well, in fact ‘y’ is closer to ‘m’ on the keyboard than ‘a’ is. Is that also ‘cool’?

So, basically in case you want to be cool, just spell ‘jerk’ as ‘jurk’, ‘my’ as ‘ma’, ‘sister’ is ‘sistah’, give yourself a cool nick (in case you lack creativity, just take the first syllable of your name and add an S at the end. Like Nikhil becomes Nics and Ramya becomes Rams and Pattamal becomes Pats!). Then in the ‘about me’ column write something, which completely ignores grammar and spellings. So basically you need not start with a capital letter, and continue with small letters. You can write something like ‘i aM a bIG faT iDiot! aLL i do aLL dAY lOng is sIT wIth a bAG of pOtaTO cHiPS and bEEr in fRont of tHE tV !’ Bang.. Hits to your profile increase exponentially!

Next step – Get people to write cool testimonials. I heard from my friend that one of his acquaintances (with whom he had lost touch close to 5 years back) wrote him a testimonial and pinged him saying that he had to write one in return. So, now you know the trick. In fact all you have to do is write a testimonial yourself and pass it to the person and ask him/ her to send it to you for approval. This saves time for you ‘friend’ too. So in case you have listened to ‘Summer of 69’ for the first time in your entire life today, you can claim (well, technically your friend says all this in your testimonial) to be the biggest Bryan Adams fan alive. Also never forget to mention the fact that you are a maverick, rebel (don’t get back to me on this one!), and totally unconventional. The only rebellious thing you might have done would be refusing to make your bed when you were 15, but don’t worry.. that counts! Even if all you do is pick up the only clean T Shirt (which has not been washed because it was worn just 3 times - one of which was to the Saturday night party where you had fed your clothes beer and chicken tikka because you thought the world had turned upside down) and the only pair of jeans you own to work, you have a casual and contemporary fashion sense. If your sense of humor is so non-existent that you do not follow Dave Barry, Seinfeld or even Calvin & Hobbes, your kind of humor is campy/ cheesy, dry/ sarcastic, clever/ quick witted, obscure and goofy (whoever came up with these options?)! It’s cool (esp for women) to have a completely empty profile except stating that he/ she is a heavy smoker!

So, once all this is done be ready for a number of friend requests which say “Hi. I like you. Would you like to make friendship with me..”

Disclaimer: I dnt orkut regularly, but due to lack of work and because of the compulsion to stare at the PC during working hours in order to appear to be working, I spent close to 3 hours on orkut today and found it really funny!

Old Age

2007-02-12T15:18:00.000+05:30

After spending 3 days with my cousin helping out at her brother’s wedding, I realized that I hate the sight of a 17 yr old typing an SMS every 2 mins, shouting a shrill and screechy ‘hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii’ into the phone every 5 minutes and blushing at every guy who might be between 16 and 30 years of age. So, it has hit me.. I have grown old.

There used to be a time when I believed that I could not live without my trusted mobile phone and scooty. It was the same time when hutch brought out the rule that only 100 messages were free every day and my quota used to get over by 12 noon. The same time when 6 hours of ‘hanging out’ at Spencer’s or Besant Nagar beach was fine. The same time when it was ‘cool’ to spend hours on phone and ‘uncool’ to be spotted with parents. Clubbing was a big thing and elaborate plans had to be made regarding mode of transport to be employed and place of stay for the night. Dressing for Saarang required one week of preparation. Pizza was staple food. Wearing a helmet while riding a two-wheeler was the worst curse because it ruins the hair do. Mom was the biggest enemy. She hated to see you being accepted in a group. Tattooing was the only resort to rebel against parents, but the plan had to be dropped because spending Rs.2000 to get an almost invisible mark on the body was unaffordable.

Well, now I predominantly travel by autos. Mom is the person that I talk to mostly on the phone. I don’t SMS. I go to a mall only to shop or watch a movie. Clubbing happens in so much excess that I am tired of it. I hate pizza, burger, and anything that is made at McD’s. I can’t stand the sight of cheese. I don’t like riding a two-wheeler any more and at times also believe that it is quite unsafe (!) I use my mobile phone predominantly to see the time. I like spending time at home, I like cooking, I also don’t mind admitting that I spent the weekend sleeping at home.

Well, that does it. I AM OLD. Or maybe I am no longer an adolescent. Am an adult! Man, but it still feels soooooo old. I never thought I d grow out of my cell phone though!

Ok, here’s a quote I came across recently. You must have read It a million times, but still..

“Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans”

Location Update: Our team has been shifted to a different building and stinky guy no longer shares a cubicle with me. Yay!

Long time.. No See..

2007-01-30T16:42:00.000+05:30

Contrary to popular belief, I am not idle at Hyderabad. (Vincent, that sentence was for you, in case you did not get the hint). I work. Well, I might not have been getting any work done at the place, which pays me money every month, but I still work.

#1. Have already visited Touch, liquids, B&C and After life (which was originally Club Penang). Verdict: Pubs at Blore are better. I think they are more casual and that’s how I like them.

#2. Am putting up with my sister in the same house (unfortunately, bcos I have not yet found an apt for myself :() and that is some work. She makes sure I prepare breakfast and dinner for both of us (and for her roomie at times!). I should know her mood and talk to her accordingly (am not her boy friend for god’s sake!). She creates a mess and I clean it up. She keeps telling everyone that she has to go grocery shopping and ultimately I do it since she has told her roommate that she is going to get the stuff and the stuff is not already there because she did not have the time to go grocery shopping! She likes tofu and broccoli, so we have semi boiled broccoli and tofu for dinner, because she has put on weight! I can’t eat non veg bcos she thinks that Brahmin girls are s’posed to eat only vegetarian food. I am allowed to go clubbing, but I should not drink when she does not accompany me (but, I should take care of the woman when she comes back home drunk and decides that she is going to sleep on the bathroom floor!). I should always wear the seat belt in the front seat! I should have a glass of milk and brush my teeth before going to sleep. I so need to find my own place.

#3. Putting up with my team – Well, we go out for a team lunch, but the manager only decides what everyone should eat, because it is faster that way and we can quickly go back to work. So, finally we are given 2 options – veg thali or non veg thali. There is this stinky guy who sits next to me who takes a break in between smoking to work. And he does not even take the effort to use mints after he is done, so all day he smells of cigarette smoke!

#4. Hyderabad is extremely dry. I can draw white lines on my skin.

#5. Watched guru. And am still trying to figure out what Vidya Balan was doing in the movie.

#6. Blood Diamond is good. I am still amazed at one guy’s transformation from Titanic to The Departed and Blood Diamond.

#7. Went to the kite festival for Sankaranthi. It was really beautiful. Will upload pics soon.

#8. More money, so larger credit card bills.

#9. I like Hyderabad auto wallas. After Chennai and blore, these people are saints!

#10. I like the roads at Madhapur. There are no potholes (period).

#11. I can’t find a decent apartment to live in. That is my biggest worry!

Photography :)

2007-01-24T15:59:00.000+05:30

Height of Hypocrisy

2006-12-14T12:18:00.000+05:30

Refusing to talk to people around you claiming that you are working when really you are chatting with your cubicle mate on messenger!

Aaaaaaarrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhh... I hate this place..
And yeah am back..!

Good Bye Bangalore (Bengalooru)

2006-11-11T09:46:00.000+05:30

Done with the last day of my first job! *sniff*
Finally I have reached the end of my stint at Blore. I am feeling really bad now that am finally moving out of Bangalore. This city has a special place in my heart because it is the first time that I lived alone, first time I started working, first time I managed my finances, first time I got a credit card and paid the bills myself (actually had multiple credit cards and used to end up with an outstanding of at least 25k every month), lending money, borrowing money, basically living my life independently. Maybe a few years down the line I might find all this very childish, but it has been a great one-and-a-half years.

Here’s to 3 continuous shows at PVR, shopping at MG and commercial, drunken nights at Spinn and Zero G, DBC at corner house, coffee at MTR, my very nice apartment and room (am going to miss both very badly ), first job, hosur road (am I happy or what!!!), Chinese food (Blore has made me hate Chinese food because that’s how many chinese restaurants are there and I might have visited all of them), my all time favorite Firangi Pani, shopping (yeah I have done a looooooooot of it!), my team, ranga shankara, debts, bitches for roomies, rex, symphony, trips to Chennai by all means of transport, and finally an independent life!

Well, it’s not yet done. I have to raise a glass to my roommate D, am going to miss you a lot honey. I will always consider you my first roommate (let us forget technicality). Here’s to – drunk guys, walks at 1 o’ clock in the night, all the lousy movies that we are somehow attracted to, my Sunday morning hangovers, bitching about men, bitching about women, late night philosophy discussion, shopping, the mess called our room, gossip, food, bouts of depression, books, night shows, we-hate-blore-auto-wallas, measly salary, swear words, discussions extending full nights, cold war, quarrels, lousy men, idiot cube mates, bitchy managers, washing clothes, cleaning the room (attempting to rather) – I can never forget you. You are the best. No one can ever be better.

Don't our pact - we ll live for another six months in the same apartment before you get married. And have a punjabi wedding! :-)

So, Hyd here I come. And friends, romans and countrymen – I am taking a good three weeks off before going to Hyderabad. So, no blogging or blog hopping for another 3 weeks. In fact I do not even want to browse the internet. I promise to read every one of your blog posts once when I get back to work (which technically is browsing the internet).

2006-10-13T22:17:00.000+05:30

Why is English that tough?
Fine, I can handle the fact that some people find it extremely tough to understand that 'children' is plural by itself and does not need an 's.' But, what is the purpose of the apostrophe???

Beats me!

P.S: Pls see this very famous bollywood heroine caught on camera without makeup. http://www.rediff.com/movies/2006/oct/13spot.htm

Previously I believed she looked like a eunuch. After seeing this I have to say, she looks extremely scary!

2006-10-04T11:53:00.000+05:30

Tagged for the first time

I was tagged by itchingtowrite. I am supposed to list 9 weird things about me. To start with I don’t think am weird. I think I am perfectly normal. Well, anyways since I have to do it, here are a few things that not many people I know share with me.

- I have to keep the fan switched on however cold the weather is, when am sleeping. Even as a baby, I could not sleep without the fan turned on it seems (Info courtesy - Mom). This is the reason why my roomies hate me and my sister refuses to share a room with me.

- The first thing I think of the moment I wake up is what I should have for breakfast

- I like eating, watching movies and dancing alone. In fact I prefer doing all of these without company.

- I cannot listen to music. I have never been able to listen to any kind of music.

- I change my hairstyle at least once every 20 days. I spend around thousand rupees every month at the salon to get my hair fixed.

- I have an intuition when it comes to food. If there are any goodies at home, without being informed of their presence, I just know it and also know exactly where to look for it.

- Just by watching 5 minutes of any movie, I will be able to recall what the movie is or at least what the plot is if I have watched it ever in my life (I can recall movies which I had watched when I was barely 4 years old) be it whatever language.

- I don’t think a lot. In fact I am thoughtless and blank most of the time. I can write, code, and carry out a really long piece of conversation without having to think about it. Only after I have read a really good book, or after having watched a good movie, do I spend time thinking. My mind is turned off almost all the time.

- I talk to myself (only when i am alone though).

Ok, I know that none of this is weird. Cant help it, that’s how ‘weird’ I am!
I don’t know if you people have done it before. But, I'll tag s0ul, vincent, nivi and alwaysinchaos.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Why are Tam Bram women obsessed with plastic dabbas, useless stainless steel plates and sundal in small packets esp during Dushera (or Navarathri as it is popularly known here). Come Navrathri and women in every household change their priorities from Radaan serials to kolu(kolu -- a series of steps on which dolls are displayed. This goes on for nine days and is removed in tenth day of Dushera). It's like a contest. Your display of dolls is supposed to be way better than anyone else you know. Nowadays kolu does not only include a simple display of dolls, but you necessarily need to sprout some seeds and at least have a garden at the foot of the dolls arrangement. If this is not done, then your kolu is not even considered for participation in the 'virtual contest.'

Then there are these mamis who, due to the lack of a better source of entertainment walk from one house to another for what my dad calls 'the exchange offer.' Basically, you go to someone's house and they give you the vethalai-pakku (beetle leaves) with a one rupee coin and a useless plastic box which is worth virtually nothing. So, when the mami returns to your place, you give her something which is as worthless as the plastic plate or dabba. But if someone considers you worth it, she might honor you with a 'blouse bit' and the honor better be returned. Else, your 'friendship' is on the rocks!

Since I was home for Saraswati Pooja, I was forced out of my trademark tattered T Shirt and track pants, into a ‘decent salwar’ as my mom called it and grin ear to ear at every woman coming home without the slightest idea of who she was. The conversation I had (rather tried to have) with each of them was some thing like this. If you can, pls replay the whole thing in Brahmin Tamil!

I-Don’t-know-who-mami – Hey when did you come from Blore?
Me - Y day.
IDKWM - So, your sister has not come?
Me - No (She's proven time and again that she's the intelligent one. She makes wise decisions. She decided not to come for the Dushera weekend. Now you know why she earns more than I do???)
IDKWM - Hey my sister-in-law’s son’s friend is working at blore.
Me - Aaah.. Oookaaaaaaaayy .(God, I should have accepted the offer to go and watch Manadhellam Mazhaikalam! Shaam is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than THIS!)
IDKWM - So how is blore? I heard it is very unsafe. News about murder, rape, and robbery. Its so scary. You should come back to Chennai. So why don’t you want to come to Chennai?
Me - (Well, to start with I don’t know who you are. And I believe that I make my decisions. And I think you watch way too many serials and read way too many sleazy tamil magazines like kumudham and kungumam!) No it’s not that bad.
IDKWM - And what is this? Why don’t you wear any jewellery? It looks really bad for a girl your age to not wear even a bangle. Your mom really lets you girls have your way.
Me - Hmmm… (Silly grin.)

(Note – In all I spoke somewhere around 10 words totally! Whereas deep down my thoughts were filled with thousands of expletives in all languages I know that I should be using against this woman!)

IDKWM - So, when is your sister going to get married? She should not trouble your parents this much. It’s high time she gets married.
Me - (Ok you’ve struck a pin into the balloon. Now you get it, woman!) Well, if marriage is on the cards we would definitely inform you. You don’t have to take the trouble to ask us every time you are here.

Damage Control -- Mom gives me the mom-glare and quickly comes to my rescue.

Mom – So, how is your son doing at the US? Why don’t you sing a song …

And she could go on and on with no difficulty at all. Phew, I am amazed at my mom’s capacity. She can talk to anyone about anything with so much ease. Well, I am made for better things. So I went back to lying like a lump in the corner of the house and continued watching TV.

2006-10-01T11:41:00.000+05:30

Sathyam Cinemas..

It had been a really looooooooooooong time since I visited Sathyam cinemas, Chennai. To start with I have come down to Chennai after a month and could not watch any movie in Sathyam over my past few visits too. Maybe I am used to PVR, maybe I have forgotten what the climate is like in Chennai, but when I was waiting outside Sathyam yesterday (Sep 30th, Sat) for just half an hour, it seemed like sooooooooo long. First of all, there are people waiting everywhere – people crowding at the ticket counter, sitting on the kutti chavaru (parapet wall), people sitting on their bikes just outside the theater premises, at the food stalls, and also at the Hyundai Santro stall (well, there is a makeshift arrangement with a Santro car, and people promoting it. Maybe they had one of their cheesy contests, am not sure). And there is absolutely not enough space to house all these people. On top of it, it is extremely hot and sweaty that it becomes very irritating to just hang around the place. It was terribly over populated at 3 in the afternoon. Maybe some people use the place to ‘hang out’ and wait for their friends. If that is the case, it is high time they stop doing it, at least for the weekends. It is very uncomfortable for others who come there to watch a movie. Or the theater could have a waiting lounge kind of a thing inside the theater where the AC is functioning.

Or maybe I have just forgotten what it was like to travel all the way from college to Sathyam on a bike in the mid afternoon hot sun and watch any crap playing at that time. More than a year at Blore has made me non resistant (is that a word??) to Chennai heat. And working for 8.5 hours a day in the AC does not help.

Why am I in such a bad mood??? Well, when someone wakes you up at 6 in the morning, and makes sure that you have had a bath, are neatly dressed, in time for Ayudha pooja (or Saraswati pooja), it is pretty irritating. There was a time when I used to await Saraswati pooja. Because that was the day when you are legally not supposed to study (well, that is a custom in Tam Bram households where books are meant for pooja on that day.) and all that we would do all day long is eat all the goodies, play and gripe about school reopening the next day after quarterly hols. It is no longer like that, cos, I don’t have quarterly hols, no half yearly hols, no summer hols, no sem hols, all I get is a measly EL of 15 days every year. I wanna cry L!

PS: What movie did I watch y day??? Stalin – Telugu Superstar Chiranjeevi’s movie. How was it??? Don’t ask! I don’t even want to talk about it. Sigh..

2006-09-27T21:09:00.000+05:30

Seinfeld

Was watching Seinfeld.. Here are a few killer Seinfeld quotes.

- Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?

- There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."

- All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? Are you kidding me? No wonder they couldn't put Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots expect the horses to do, anyway?

- Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?

- Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.

- The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews, Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here.

- Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff."

ROTFL.. For more follow the links,

http://en.thinkexist.com/quotes/jerry_seinfeld/
http://www.iol.ie/~thedeans/newn.html

2006-09-19T13:09:00.000+05:30

On a weekend at Hyd..

For the past few weeks, all airlines compel you to report 90 minutes before departure time. And owing to the fact that I have this obsessive compulsive disorder where I necessarily have to reach a place at least 10 minutes prior to the required time, I was sitting for what seemed like eternity at the Bangalore airport on Saturday. In course of my ‘stay’ there, I made a few observations. Why is it that the Indian Airlines air hostesses have the most hideous costumes? I can understand that it is ‘Indian’ Airlines and so they have to wear a sari, but they have the most pathetic blouse. It starts somewhere way above the neck and I don’t have a remote idea as to where it ends. That is because you don’t get to see a hint of skin anywhere – the blouse covers it all. Maybe they had additional shirts and altered them so that they could double as a blouse! Antara Mali’s shirts in Road were way shorter than these blouses! The only other uniform that can look worse would be the ones worn by Air Deccan employees. They wear a dirty yellow T Shirt and something resembling a lungi for a skirt. And let me confirm another fact – Kingfisher hires models as air hostesses. These women are very pretty and have the perfect figure. So, how much does Kingfisher pay them that they willingly quit a career in modeling and start working here???

Watched ‘The Devil wears Prada.’ So, when is Hollywood going to stop churning such stupid fairy tale movies? Anne Hathway (Andrea Sachs) rejects an admission from Stanford Law to become a journalist. But, she gets called only by Runway, a fashion magazine and Meryl Streep (Miranda Priestly), the boss from hell who calls all her assistants Emily, hires her because she is ‘fat and smart.’ Ok whoever said that Anne Hathway is fat? I just could not see flesh on her. In the movie she claims she is size 6. Who is she kidding? If she is size 6, what am I – 50?? And size 6 is s’posed to be the new size 14 (that makes me 100.. sigh..)!!! And what job does this extremely intelligent girl who rejected Stanford do for a living – lick ass. Well, not literally, but that is pretty much what she does at Runway. She does everything from getting Miranda her coffee, putting her coat and bag in place to getting her twins the unpublished manuscript of the next Harry Potter book (ok can anyone get me that one???). Ok that’s it. I am not going to talk anymore about the movie. I am not reviewing it, just trying to say that it is the typical Hollywood feel good movie. I hate them!

I ll leave you with one of my favourite C&H quotes. :-)

Calvin : You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
Hobbes : What mood is that?
Calvin : Last-minute panic.

2006-09-14T23:34:00.000+05:30

Shantaram

Just finished reading Shantaram. Was planning to buy the book immediately after it was published, but it just did not happen. And on an impulse I bought it a month back.

In case you do not know, Shantaram is the fictionalized account of the real life adventures of author Gregory David Roberts. Actually it just comprises his adventures at Bombay (Mumbai was called that when he was there) where he lived for 8 years. In just the eight years his activities include living in a slum and establishing a free health clinic there, being part of the mafia and working as a money launderer and forger, stuntman in Bollywood, spending time in an Indian jail and fight a war at Afghanistan. Well, this is not an exhaustive list! (If you want to know more about Gregory Roberts follow the link http://www.shantaram.com/pages/authorfacts.html).

To start with, the narrative is simply amazing. You definitely cannot put the book down once you start reading it. In course of reading the book, I was pretty annoyed at the fact that it takes just an hour for me to cross Hosur Road and reach work. Because the only time I get to read books is during my bus travel to and from work. Much of the plot is derived from his own experiences and life. It s a very impressive account of all that the man has done in eight years starting from escaping a high security prison in Australia and coming to Bombay. He has a special bond with the city right from the start. It takes you through his life, his adventure, his love, his friends, the good, the bad and the fact that he loves and believes people. The book in totality is an action adventure – Just the material for a Bollywood drama.

His writing also has a strong hint of philosophy. He justifies every act in a philosophical manner. He explains how people maintain their honor in spite of committing acts which are generally considered wrong. He puts right and wrong in perspective. He understands love, friendship and dignity. Here’s an extract from the book.

"Every human heartbeat is a universe of possibilities. Every human will has the power to transform its fate. I’d always thought that fate was something unchangeable: fixed for every one of us at birth, and as constant as the circuit of stars. But I suddenly realized that life is stranger and more beautiful than that. The truth is that no matter what kind of game you find yourself in, no matter how good or bad the luck, you can change your life completely with a single thought or act of love. "

He’s one hell of an example for ‘Fact is stranger than fiction.’ My life is too real! (My most adventurous activity so far has been white water rafting! :-().
The author states in his acknowledgements that he had to write this book 3 times because his prison guards trashed the first two copies. Can you imagine someone writing a 936 page manuscript three times!!!

The best part is that this book is part of a trilogy. There’s going to be a prequel and a sequel it seems. Gregory, am waiting for the next onw!!

Trivia: The book is going to be made into a movie with Johnny Depp in the lead (that’s one more reason to watch the movie :-)). Apparently Chunky Pandey is also associated with the movie.

2006-09-07T01:43:00.000+05:30

I'll Die for Mama ... aka Wall

Vijay: Your principles, your ideals? What work are your principles of? What work are your ideals of? All your principles mashed up together couldn't make up one time of bread Ravi ! The ideals for which you are ready to play from your life, what has they given you? One rented quarter, a rundown police car, two pairs of brown uniform. Watch, watch today this is all me, today this is all you, we both have stood up together from this pathway, but today where have you remained and where have I arrived. Today I have a bungalow, car, bank balance. What do you have?
Ravi: I have mother.

Ok I promise a treat to anyone who figures out where this dialogue is from. Yes, it is the English translation of the very famous 'mere paas ma hain' from Deewar that i found on imdb. ROTFL..

BTW, the post title also happens to be the English working title of the movie.

2006-08-30T22:27:00.000+05:30

Non Stop till Hell..

My company has buses with boards 'Non stop till Adugodi', 'Non stop till BTM'. Ok whom are they kidding? This is Bangalore people! Thanks to the traffic, there is a stop for every two minutes on Hosur Road. If you stay somewhere on the main road you can be assured that you can get off exactly outside your house. Roadla kovil theru madhiri aadi aadi pogum!

Well, watched Bommarillu (for the uninitiated, this is the latest telugu superhit movie starring Sidharth and Genelia) on Monday and it was a really feel good movie after a long time. Well, it had it's share of cliches and overaction (esp by Genelia who inspite of all that managed to act like the chirpy girl she was supposed to be), but it has emerged a winner. Also, like any typical telugu movie it had songs at the drop of a hat. But all said and done it was a laugh riot all along and was a really sweet movie. Well, the best part of the movie though was definitely Sidharth. He is the cutest thing ever and he managed to convey that he can act pretty well when it comes to comedy also. But, the drool factor was on a 100% all through the 3 hours! :-D

This is my all time favourite dialogue from 'As good as it gets.' Got it as a fwd again today, so here it is.

Melvin Udall : I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you're the greatest woman on earth. I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, and how you are with Spencer, "Spence," and in every single thought that you have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean something that's all about being straight and good. I think most people miss that about you, and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food, and clear their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me.

2006-08-26T22:42:00.000+05:30

Hilarious..

Someone sent me the following link and am really ROTFL..
http://www.fairandhandsome.net/yourface.jsp

Pls go through the entire page for thorough entertainment. :-D

2006-08-25T10:36:00.000+05:30

Losing weight... :-(

Ok it's official. My aerobics instructor is hell bent on killing me. How else do you explain someone who asks me to pull my leg up in some godforsaken position and gives the instruction 'Don't let your leg touch the ground.'

Did he even learn science properly? Does he know the concept called gravity?

2006-08-23T09:54:00.000+05:30

THIS IS GOING TO HURT JUST A LITTLE BIT

Ok, this one is my all time favorite poems. Apart from the fact that I cannot understand the other great works of literature (English is a very tough language!), the reason why I like this one is that it Nash knows exactly what it feels like to sit on the dentist’s chair.

No one knows this better than me because of the number of times I have been forced to wait at the dentist’s office. Ideally, the whole community of dentists should be singing ‘Vazha vaikkum S ku jai!’ (S is me btw.). Any treatment that can be done to teeth would have been tested on mine. I have had teeth extracted (well, more than once), root canal treatments (again multiple times), had broken teeth fixed, braces (for 2 full yrs L), filling of cavities, artificial crown on teeth,.. well that’s all I can think of now. Lemme update the list as and when my memory decides to assist me.

My association with dentists began ever since I was 8 and my doting grandparents bought me so many chocolates that my capacity to chew food dropped alarmingly down owing to the attack of germs on my teeth (they were exactly like the ones in the pepsodent ads.. sob..). So, the saga begins.

You know what the worst part of visiting the dentist would be? Sitting (actually almost lying down) on the chair and waiting for him to pick the right instrument and contemplate in your mind whether that is going to hurt or not and praying really hard that it should not hurt. I have this habit of shouting before he decides to venture into my mouth with the tool. It’s psychological. I always believe that anyone holding a sharp tool at you and covers up his face is not someone you should trust. And believe me when I say that it is a really embarrassing for a 23 year old to scream and sob even before anything remotely painful happens.

Well, in some other post I’ll explain how I broke two of my front teeth. For now, enjoy the poem :-)

THIS IS GOING TO HURT JUST A LITTLE BIT

One thing I like less than most things is sitting in a dentist chair with my mouth wide open.
And that I will never have to do it again is a hope that I am against hope hopan.
Because some tortures are physical and some are mental,
But the one that is both is dental.
It is hard to be self possessed
With your jaw digging into your chest,
so hard to retain calm
When your fingernails are making serious alterations in your life line or love line or some other important line in your palm,
So hard to give your ususal cheerful effect of benignity
When you know your position is one of the two or three in life most lacking in dignity
And your mouth is like a section of road that is being worked on
And it is cluttered up with stone crushers and concrete mixers and drills and steam rollers and there isn't a nerve on your head that aren't being irked on.
Oh some people are unfortunate to be worked on by thumbs,
And others have things done to their gums,
And your teeth are supposed to being polished
But you have reason to believe they are being demolished.
And the circumstances that adds to your terror
Is that it's all done with a mirror,
Because the dentist may be a bear, or as the Romans used to say, only they were referring to a feminine bear when they said it, an ursa,
But all the same how can you be sure when he takes his crowbar in one hand and mirror in the other he won't get mixed up, the way you do when try to tie a bow tie with the aid of a mirror, and forget that left is right and vice versa
And then at last he says, That will be all, but it isn't because he then coats your mouth from cellar to roof
With something I suspect is generally used to put shine a horse's hoof,
And you totter to your feet and think, Well it's over now and after all it was only this once,
And he says come back in three monce.
And this O Fate, is I think the most vicious that thou ever sentest,
That Man has to go continually to the dentist to keep his teeth in good condition
When the chief reason he wants his teeth to be in good condition is so that he won't have to go the dentist.

-- Ogden Nash

2006-08-16T13:24:00.000+05:30

Beware of this Family

Ok here’s an incident that totally got me freaked out and I have to tell people about this.
A few weeks back, when I was walking towards home, a lady walked up to me and asked me if I knew hindi. I said yes, and here’s what went on after that.

Lady brings forward an entire family consisting of two men, another lady and a little kid. Here’s the conversation that followed. (Well, I don’t exactly remember who said what but family implies any one person of the adult population of the family.)

Family : Behen ji, hum maharashtra ke hain. Tirupati Balaji mandir aye the aur wahan hamara 4000 rupaye chori ho gaye.

Me (In my mind): Oh god, poor family.. There’s a child too.

Family :Hamein waapas jaana hai. Jaane ke liye paise nahin hain. Bachche ne do din se kuch khaaya nahin. Thoda madad kariye na. Aapko behen maante hain.

Me : (mind)Are they speaking the truth? Or is this some kind of an elaborate plan to extract money out of me (aloud) Kuch khaane ke liye dilva doon?

Family : Hamein waapas ghar jaane hain. Ghar ke aurathon ki tho ticket lena padega. Aap apna address de dijiyae. Jaathe hi paise bhej deenge.

Me: (mind) They are a family. They cant be lying. C’mon there s a kid too. Ok I am magnanimous. I should help them.(aloud) Aap yaheen pe tehariye. Abhi ATM se paise nikal ke de doongi.

And I sprinted to the ATM, and gave them 5 crisp 100 rupee notes. Well, I would have given them more, if my account balance did not fall down to Rs. 46.55 after the transaction.

For days after the incident, I was extremely pleased with myself and totally in bliss owing to my noble act.

Fast Forward to last Friday, i.e. 11th Aug. I was waiting at East End for someone (Basically, unable to focus all my energy into something constructive, I was loitering around a distance of 10 cms!). Suddenly I was confronted by a lady who asked me if I knew Hindi. Then I entered familiar terrain.

I saw another similar family, two men, two women and kid. I was told that they had been to the Balaji mandir and lost their money there. They had lost 4000 this time too. But, guess what, only the stories were similar. This was a totally different ‘family’. I was shell shocked for a moment, but quickly regained myself and ensured that they got a piece of my mind. Yet, I could not hide from myself and the fact that I got fooled out of 500 Rs and what a huge hit it was to my ego!

So, do these people have some kind of a union or something where they decide on convincing stories, get to form groups and learn to act? They might get at least 1000 bucks a day. That’s 30000 pm, w/o tax! Wow, they make more money than me! Hey, if someone from the ‘family’ is reading this, please take me into your group. I can act pretty well (hey I was Alladin’s mom in class 4), and I can also help in writing the screenplay for your act.

On a serious note, how can people decide to con others for a living? Are they really a family or just a bunch of people who met each other and figured that they have similar interests? Do they practice at home? Do they have a school where all this is taught? And finally, why do they do it? Can’t they find any other honest means of survival? Or do they think that Bunti and Babli is cool?

2006-08-01T08:32:00.000+05:30

Tuesday blues..

Well, after toying with the idea of starting a blog for a really looooooooooooooooong time now, I decided that am gonna do it today.
Also I have resolved to take up all the things that I have always wanted to do, which kept getting postponed due to one reason or the other. Well, to sum all of them up,

Learn at least one form of dance (preferable salsa :-p)
Work out regularly
More participation in adventure sports
Never get tharshed on sat nights and wake up to a really baaaaaaaaaad sun morning.

Well, can’t think of anything more. So, why am I in such an abysmal state that I decide to give up alcohol? Well, my ‘Monday morning’ has been postponed by a day and it has become ‘Tuesday morning.’ I was extremely depressed at the prospect of going to work, so I decided on Sunday night that I was taking Monday off. So, I wasted 500 bucks (my ticket to Bangalore could not be cancelled. F*** the KPN guys!) and another 500 for a ticket to the bus which leaves on Monday, had a great sleep in the night, and grudgingly left by the 7:15 bus to reach work at 7:45 this morning.

Do you know how depressing it is to sit your cubicle all alone with just the cleaner ladies who shove you around to get the furniture cleaned? C’mon, the furniture is for us to sit on, and the comp to work on. They are more important than me?!!!

You know what is even more depressing.. The first mail that I see this morning is my salary slip :-(.. Hey if this is what I get after a ‘hike’ how did I even survive before??

P.S. Did you know that MS Word gives a spelling mistake on the word ‘blog’..